Crying mother

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Crying Mother it’s OK

Crying (disambiguation) Crying is the human production of tears in response to an emotional state.

Do you ever have one of those days, where the tears just keep flowing? Well mine was yesterday. No matter how much I tried to keep it together, the waterworks would keep coming on and off all day.

Yesterday was one of those highly tensed and stressful days dealing with a situation which is very close to my heart. Well, really it’s part of my heart, it’s major part of me.

My eyes would just throw out tears at the drop of a hat. There were many bathroom visits to pull myself together. The day required me to be strong and think on my feet, yet the tears kept coming, throwing me off my focus and the task at hand. After numerous times of recomposing myself I would carry on with the matters at hand as efficiently as I could. Probably not my super best efforts but just what I could do, considering the situation.

Crying Mother- your children love you

By late evening, things were slowly improving, I managed to get some time with Mr 6 who as always brings me back down into being” The best Mummy in the world” his words not mine, I love it  when I hear children say this to their mums. I mean how great does it make you feel? Makes me feel like I’m doing OK.

Crying Mother is releasing emotions

Crying is a very valid an acceptable release of emotions in both adults and children, Crying is OK. Crying demonstrates that you have feelings and emotions. Crying makes you want a big hug and reassuring words. Crying can make you feel a little better. If there is too much crying and you cry for days on end, then you know that there is something wrong and should get some help, whether you speak to your friends or a professional.

As mothers I think we cry a lot more, than we actually say,and that’s perfectly OK too. The amount of built up feelings a mother can carry within them is really quite amazing, so communicate how you feel and release some of the burden and the sadness. Unless you say how you are feeling,those around you cannot help.

Through my work I have hugged and reassured many  crying mothers, the relief they express at having been able to share what they are feeling can instantly make the situation improve. Mothers need to talk and share the journey of motherhood and stand up and say “Yes we cry  and if we didn’t cry we would be an explosion waiting to happen”

“Pass me a tissue, let me wipe my eyes and carry on” That’s what a crying mother does. That is what I did yesterday and I’m OK.

You are never alone, so reach out.

 

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Nathalie Brown

Child Behaviour Consultant at Easy Peasy Kids
Child Behaviourist and researcher. Creator of "Less tantrums. More smiles". I look at the bigger picture and think outside the box when working with children and their behaviour. Their world is different. As adults we sometimes forget this. Happiness Creator in my spare time. Eater of chocolate and cake.

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Comments

  1. Rachel says:

    I have cried in front of my children on several occasions and always feel guilty when I see the worry and confusion on their little faces. I reassure them that ‘I’m just feeling a little sad (or sometimes happy)and I’ll be ok in a minute’ but is that alright? Will they be affected by this in the long term? I often wonder if it’s better to hide any negative emotions from my children so that they continue to feel reassured and happy, or whether allowing them to see that my emotion is ok and can be dealt with, is good for them.

    • Nathalie says:

      It is fine for your children to see you cry, they can even pick up your emotions just through the way you are behaving and the tone of your voice. Teaching children about emotions and feelings is so essential. Talk about what makes them happy and what makes them sad, cross or angry. Tell them too what makes you feel happy and sad etc..
      Never feel guilty for crying.

  2. What about when other people reprimand you for crying in front of you children? What do you do with that guilt? Guilt that is pushed onto you by other adults, other health professionals.

    How do you explain that the reason you are crying is because you have no control over situation that involves the child?

    I try to tell my child, it’s not them, it’s the situation but when I am upset in front of her, it rarely seems enough.

    • Nathalie says:

      No one should ever make you feel guilty, take the word out of your vocabulary. If your situation is that upsetting please try and get some help. There are some really good free resources on line. I will have some up on this website in the next week or so. Take care sending you hugs Nx

  3. I’ve cried in front of my daughter quite a bit since I’ve been pregnant (damn hormones!). I explain that Mummy is sad or hurt or whatever. She comes and gives me a hug, pats me on the back and says “it’s ok Mummy”

    I do feel guilty, but then I also think it’s healthy for her to see that it’s ok to cry, and how to manage those feelings. I try to turn it into “Mummy is feeling sad so she’s crying, lets try and cheer up” and then we find something fun to do. Like Nathalie said, often it’s our kids that are the best medicine, and a cuddle and tickle from a toddler can’t help but make you smile.

  4. Sandra Fragoso says:

    Saturday I saw an old photo of my girls. Miss 2 who was then only a wee 6wks old. I began rememberingwhow I cried for 3wks straight because she was born a tiny non seeing eye. But thru my tears it brought ou the best in those around me. Friends who I’ve helped cheered me, my mother who is normally emotionally disconnected hugged me, Hubby who loves teasing was full of compliments & my boys loud became quiet & considerate.. I never want to return to that state again but if I did I know I’ll will be okay :)

  5. I hope the thing that was making you cry has resolved itself :)
    I find that since I had my first child I seem to be overwhelmed with emotions and release that energy through crying so much more than i did before. there must be some kind of ‘mummy hormone’ that allows us to cry out our stresses or something!
    Something upset me quite badly this week and i was in a puddle of tears. my nearly four year old son looked up and said ‘do you need a cuddle mummy’ then came over and wrappe dhis arms around me. it made my day that he displayed empathy. and of course it made me so happy that i got a huge hug from one of my favourite little people :)

  6. Renee Bugg says:

    Thank you for this post. We have had another terrible week with my daughter… she is on the spectrum, so it happens. But this week, I am a teary mess with it all… oh well.. more wine is possibly needed ;) Good to see I am not alone though.. pass me the tissues, time to get on with it!

  7. Beautiful post, Nathalie. It’s been a while since I’ve had a good cry. Things must be good at the moment. I know in those first six months after Baby Holly was born there were times when I would get up for the sixth time in one night and sit there feeding her in the nursery while quiet tears fell. xx

  8. Chantelle says:

    Thanks for this. As a child who was punished for crying, I have a hard time thinking it’s ok. I hold everything in until I blow up and it’s a terrible trait I am trying to unlearn.

  9. heidi fitzpatrick says:

    Hugs to you Nathalie. You do an amazing job. Tears are like rain. After them you look for a rainbow. x

  10. Sylva Caracatsanis says:

    Thank you for the post.
    I’ve had the same thoughts as many of you above from time to time. However, I also believe it’s ok for children to see the ‘dark’ emotions – that they are there, they are normal, they should be allowed expression and they do pass.
    I never saw my mother cry. She never told it was bad, and was always there for my sad moments… but still, I never saw her cry. She was a pillar of strength, raising me on her own. The drawback to all this (which took me years to realise) is that from adolescence well into mid-twenties, I believed crying was a sign of weakness, that you have to take it all in stride and just get on with whatever hand you are dealt – like my dynamic mother did… She never realised this (just like my parents never fought, argued or disagreed in front of me, so when the divorce came I was in total shock!), and when we started to discuss, we both realised what had happened (her mother, born in the 1920s, of course heavily reprimanded just about any show of emotion). Today we laugh and cry and own up to our weaknesses – it’s actually helped me not to compare my ‘shortcomings’ as a mother to the ‘wonderful’ example I had from mine. My children know that sometimes I have cramps and ooh and aah in pain, sometimes I am so proud of them I shiver with tears, sometimes I am sad and those tears are ok, sometimes I am mad and that red, flustered face is also ok, because every day ends with a hug, a smile and warmth in the heart.
    Hope today is a better one for you, I know you’ve helped make it a better one for me :)

  11. ‘Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water’. ~Antoine Rivarol

    Thanks for sharing that Nat. It’s so OK to cry.

    With being so strong for others all the time it’s no wonder. You probably have a huge backlog.

    Time for some YOU time!

    Take care. x

  12. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your comments, I’m sooo much better today. The crying was a backlog of so many things and now I feel a little more clear and have a smile x

  13. I love this post. I’m not very good at expressing my feelings to people. A good cry to myself, always makes me feel better, by releasing those built up feelings. I’ve had my cry this morning, so I am now looking for the rainbow :o) (Thanks to the comment by Heidi F)

  14. Crying is good. Crying in the pantry with a bottle of tequila is even better.

    ;)

  15. Having a good cry is healthy. If I feel like I need to, I just let it happen. I feel worse if I keep it inside!

  16. Lija Matthews says:

    Crying is perfectly natural and a great way of releasing – so cleansing and good for the soul. Great post!

  17. Sarah says:

    I think I’ve always been a cryer, but now that I’m a mum, the waterworks are ten fold!
    I love the cries that end in lots of laughter and generous hugs by your partner, your kids, or anyone who’s noticed you’re having a bad day.
    Great post though, lets us know its ok to feel. :)

  18. bubble936 says:

    Amazing post..I loved every line of it.
    I do feel its ok to cry, it makes me feel light and confident again for the new challenges of life..

  19. I agree. We should be able to show our kids ALL our emotions. Happiness, anger and saddness. They’re feeling all of these too, and I think it’s important that they are able to see that we ALL feel these and more importantly how you deal with it. That you say it’s ok to have my moment, but this is what I can do to feel better.

  20. Jamie Hendle says:

    I’ve had a few crying days lately, when life all gets a bit too much, sometimes all you can do is cry, let it all out so you can move on. My two year old daugher sees me cry a fair bit, I have felt guilty in the past for letting her see me like that, but I now think that it’s good for her to see me cry, she cries, her friends cry, I cry, we mostly all cry at some point, so it is normal. Since seeing me cry she has shown such compassion, when she cries, I pat her on the back and hug her so now when I cry she does the same to me, she has such empathy. Seeing me cry has taught her that people do get sad but you can comfort them.

    Jamie xx

  21. Michelle says:

    I have been known to cry for the simplest things; a story on the news, a happy cry if one of my girls does something right (could be as simple as attempting to make their bed!) it’s healthy and keeps me sane :)

  22. Hi Nathalie,

    I needed to comment on a past post to enter your current competition and I figured I would comment on this post as it is one of my favourites from your blog. I tell my children all the time that it is okay to cry, that crying helps us release our feelings and I think it is VERY important for Mummies to know this as well! Thank~u for sharing!

    Gab xx

  23. Loved this post.

    I am not usually a crier. I don;t cry often and I loathe to cry in front of anyone… even my husband. But I don’t think that is particularly healthy, so the other day when I lost it over something small and cried and cried I had to keep reminding myself that it was ok to cry, and that it was ok for my kids to see me cry… in fact it was good for my children to see my cry to be sad, but to get through it and keep going.

    Much love to you… some days are tough.

    • Kate, there can be real urgh days which set my tears off sometimes over the smallest thing, I’ve noticed I’m more emotional when I haven’t slept well or I’m worried about mum. Big hugs to you beautiful xx

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