Parenting and Mother genes; The Destroyer, The Hit-man, The Vulture and the Missing Link.

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Parenting and Mother Genes; The Destroyer, The Hitman and The Vulture and the Missing Link

As I type this it feels like a truck has driven into the right side of my jaw yet I sit here typing, well I can’t sleep I’m too sore. The pain in my jaw is an infection, I won’t go into all the details, but I only  ever feel extreme pain due to having had Guillain-Barre syndrome sixteen years ago, which has frazzled my nerve endings, so if I’m ever sick I don’t realise until it gets real bad.  Real bad is now, hence my doctor has signed me off all  duties for seven days. As he talks to me about getting bed rest, taking it easy, he looks up and says “Don’t roll your eyes Mrs Brown”. Well I’m rolling my eyes because dearest doctor you are saying something which to a mother is just absolutely ridiculous. When does a mum ever just take to bed for seven days and do nothing?  We are super human, once we go through labour and our child is born these  super human genes take over our body but they also produce the Mother genes. Let me explain.

The Mother Genes 101

  1. The Mother guilt gene, I call this one ‘The Destroyer’. It makes us de-value everything we do. It stops us from seeing all that we have accomplished no matter how big or small. The Destroyer is always lurking ready to pounce and to make us question every little thing we don’t do, yet ignores all we have done.
  2. The Mother has to do something every moment of the day gene, also known as ‘The Hitman’.  I’ll do this, this and that and this and then that and then I’ll stop for a 10 minute break; have a quick shower and throw a coffee back. But The Hit-man doesn’t let you enjoy your shower or coffee. It wants you to keep going because if you do stop to do anything for yourself The Destroyer kicks in with its Mother guilt. There is always something to be done.
  3. The Mother Domestic Goddess gene, simply known  as ‘The Missing link.’  I’ve looked for it for the last 19 years and I have run out of places to look. I thought that when I got married and had my babies some kind of divine power would internalise in me and make me a Domestic Goddess, it didn’t, I am still waiting and ever hopeful that it will come.
  4. The Mother why, what, where, how and when  gene renamed the ‘What The?’ I question everything;  Why does it always rain on hockey night? Where did I put my keys? What day of the week is it? How can I get one kid to Taekwondo, one to a party and fit in a grocery shop? I drive myself quietly insane with my own questions. It’s a continuous dialogue in my head. Never a dull moment with me, myself and I.
  5. The Mother constant worry gene reminds of  ‘TheVulture’. It’s always there waiting, watching ready to pounce on whatever there is lying around. Seemingly I worry about everything, especially my children. Mr 7 my sensitive soul made a nun-chuck and was so proud, I smiled and then worry myself as to why he’s made a nun-chuck do I have a future Ninja Assassin on my hands? Miss 16 is all of a sudden a woman, and a teenager who is very competent, much more with it than I was at sixteen, yet ‘The Vulture’ is always ready.
  6. The Mother OMG I’m doing it all wrong gene, simply abbreviated to ‘OMG’. I read, study and research child behaviour I know that love is what children crave, need and want. Yet my head still says ‘OMG’ many a times, when I’ve ordered a takeaway because I can’t be arsed  to cook because I’m exhausted, or Mr 7 is wearing a not so clean uniform because I have pulled it out the overflowing washing basket and freshened up with some of his dad’s deodorant, so atleast he smells nice.
  7. The Mother Comparison gene just call it ‘The Zebra’. I often wonder how many mothers get so much done and have so many talents and look so good. I start to compare myself to them- big mistake, I don’t walk in their shoes, I don’t know their life, not one zebra has the same pattern although they are called zebras they are all different.
  8. The Mother I don’t want to be here right now gene ‘The Run away’. Happens quite often,  more so when I’m rushing like a crazy woman through the supermarket and I spot someone I know and I’m so so sorry I haven’t got time for a chat, I have to pick up the kids, get home as mum’s carer has to leave, so I run away down another aisle head down, hoping they haven’t noticed I threw on an old pair if leggings and my  faithful uggs. (No judgement please)
  9. The Mother I’ve got to keep everyone happy gene is really a ‘Mission Impossible’. As long as we try to pursue this, the less happy we will be. I’m generally a happy person therefore my family are generally happy. Admittedly I am a people pleaser and find it hard to say No and try and help whenever I can.
  10. The Mother I  would do anything to protect my kids gene ‘Love’. Do we feel all the above because of the love we have for the people we made? I’m not sure, I just know that as mothers for all the emotions our children can make us feel from the not so good to the “I love you mum” that melts our heart, this is an awesome and useful gene to have, realistically it would be the only one I would like to keep.

My Mother Genes are on a break

So on Doctor’s orders I’m sending my mother genes on a one way ticket out of here (obviously not the ‘love’ gene)  I know the others will find their own way back probably sooner than I hope. But for now I will take a break more so from physically leaving the house and going out to work. I’ll read a little and rest as much I can. Motherhood is 27/7 as is caring for my mum. The laundry pile  can continue to grow for now and someone please pass me the Indian take away menu. What Mother genes can you add or can you relate too? I’d love to know.

 

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Nathalie Brown

Child Behaviour Consultant at Easy Peasy Kids
Child Behaviourist and researcher. Creator of "Less tantrums. More smiles". I look at the bigger picture and think outside the box when working with children and their behaviour. Their world is different. As adults we sometimes forget this. Happiness Creator in my spare time. Eater of chocolate and cake.

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Comments

  1. And even in pain you still make so much sense! Wishing you a speedy recovery…..and give all those genes a rest….except the gene that says you must look after yourself first xx

  2. Oh how spot on you are!! I really do hope you get a bit of rest and can ignore those genes for a while. Feel better soon xx

  3. Oh you poor thing .. I really hope you are feeling much better very soon! Totally know where you are coming from atm – twisted my knee the other day and the doc has told me to rest up, keep it elevated and not over do it! With three young children, a large house and no outside help?! Nope I can’t see it happening either!!

    Rest as much as you can and yes, look after yourself xx

  4. Very clever and very true!

  5. Hi Nathalie

    I really hope you feel better soon and do manage to get at least a day or two to recuperate.

    I absolutely loved your article – I can’t wait to share it with my friends. I think nearly ALL of them deal with the same genes on a daily basis, particularly The Destroyer (in my mind the worst offender in the pack!). He/she has such power!

    Take care

    Helen

  6. Hayley says:

    Oh how very true!! Being a mother you experience so many different emotions and genes :)

    Hope you are going well, everyone feels guilt but just remember you are being the best mother that you can be!!

    -Target

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