But how do I change my behaviour?

Changing BehaviourSo you really want to change? You feel down in the dumps, flatlining at the end of the day, it was a tough day, most days are and you get through them. We all have bad days, some people have absolutely horrific days everyday. My perception of my bad day, will not match yours. They are non comparable. There are far too many factors making us who we are alongside our own personal situation to compare a bad day. This post is not going to fix your life. This post will not get rid of your depression or anxiety. I cannot change your behaviour. I did ask a few weeks ago what would you  like to change in your behaviour. Your responses covered; yelling less, exercise, healthy eating, meditating to getting some me time. Nothing unusual in your responses. Did you all want to do something about? Over 200 of you said yes, including me.

I decide I’m going to daily eat healthily, exercise, meditate, write, be happy, be tidy, be organised, put all the laundry away etc… How many weeks do I last? Um about an hour if that. Then I spend the day telling myself “You are a failure, you can’t stick to anything blah blah blah”  Reading many over what feels like 500 books and studying and observing behaviour, I’ve reached my own conclusion that not one solution can suit as all.  Many a time I commence on my behaviour changing journey but there is so such prep work required I give up or my list is too long. I get my ability to follow through thrown out at the first stumble.

Deep down I believe many of us know what we need to do, but I’ll just read this book as it sounds like it will have the answers, then we are disappointed when nothing changes within us. How do these self changing gurus do it? I wonder if these gurus live a real life. I’m sure many do, maybe it’s the way they deal with the bad days, maybe they have the determination that I don’t, or they don’t have our life. They live a different way. My life is what I know, I see insights into many other family situations but I’m not in their shoes 24/7.

Do I really want to change my behaviour and do everything in my wish list. My head says YES. (My head always says Yes).My heart now says NO.

Tiny steps may one day in the near future have me doing everything that I want to change. But for the next 21 days, the changes are not plural but singular. I’ve chosen to become more resilient with myself and my emotions. In that I’m going to not over analyse every single situation that makes me feel not so ok about myself.

If you want to change something start with something small, don’t try to do everything, as you may end feeling worse off. If you beat yourself up daily and are consumed by guilt, may be this is the change you should look at before attempting anything else.

Value who you are as a person, even tiny steps are hard to begin with, you will wobble, you will fall flat on your face and there will be bad days.

Tiny Steps Day One

Before launching into a major overhaul of change, remember that you may not need to change at all, it’s only yourself you are  answering to. Pick a change that is small, something you can keep actually try and do. It can range from laughing more, going for a 10 minute walk, making sure you have one healthy meal a day, 10 minutes to yourself, etc… If you choose to yell less, there has to be something else in place I belive that’s patience. If you do want to exercise for 30 minutes or more then it has to be planned and a time allocated. Above all when going through a change you have to allow for life and it’s unpredictability. Keep taking the tiny steps when you can, yes I do believe that changing behaviour is possible it depends solely on you, and the tiny steps you take.

So are you in? What is your tiny step?

I’ll be back tomorrow I’m sharing my change with you.



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Nathalie Brown

Child Behaviour Consultant at Easy Peasy Kids
Child Behaviourist and researcher. Creator of "Less tantrums. More smiles". I look at the bigger picture and think outside the box when working with children and their behaviour. Their world is different. As adults we sometimes forget this. Happiness Creator in my spare time. Eater of chocolate and cake.

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  1. Maxabella says

    More water, less diet coke! x

  2. Beautiful Nathalie your words always make me feel it is ok to be me and to not be so hard on myself.
    Thank you so much for that.
    I would love to change how I let people get to me.I wish I didn’t let them make me doubt myself.
    I walked in behind mums curtain the other day and saw her lying there,getting washed.It hit me hard seeing her there so helpless when once she was so strong.
    I said that to someone and they said I should be used to it (mums situation) by now. Another said “that’s life”
    Their words are going round and round in my head and make me feel no one understands.
    Then I think of you and I know I am not alone.I am understood.I need to remember that everyday.
    That is the what I want/need to change.x

    • It’s so difficult, some days are barely ok but you are doing it, the people that say “that’s life” will not change as it’s not their life. Always here for you xxx

  3. Walking 30 minutes, three times per week.
    I am using this as my “me” time and also as physical and emotional exercise 🙂

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