Do You Need to Be a Little More Selfish…Without the Guilt?

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Do You Need to Be a Little More Selfish…Without the Guilt?

Someone once told me that I need to be more selfish. That I care too much about others and about what others think. Reality bites. I think most Mothers are good mothers. Most mothers put their families first. I know I do.

But I am trying to put a little more “me time” into my daily life so that I don’t harbor resentment or have that I’m-doing-too-much stress.

Children are needy and greedy. The more you give them; the more theywant. I’m not talking material things, I’m talking about 1:1 time with Mom, cuddles, reading books, cooking special foods, talking, going on adventures (zoo, hikes, library, out for ice cream).

If you aren’t careful with inserting yourself into the mix and making time for yourself, you may find that your toenails are protruding into your shoes and your abs are getting flabby and your own books are getting lonely on your nightstand.

We need to remember that we aren’t just Moms. We may always be on the clock to do Mom duties, but we must also take time for “me time.”

Without the guilt.

Be Selfish without the Guilt

Here are a few examples:

• In the middle of our rushed early morning to get breakfast and make lunches, I sometimes just stop what I am doing and do my sit-ups while the kids are eating breakfast, and have them buy lunch that day. My kids love making selections in the school lunch line. It is empowering. And I don’t need to feel guilty that I don’t make them a homemade lunch everyday. My abs are tighter as a result and my kids are happy. No guilt.

• At bedtime, I sometimes have my daughter read to my youngest son. Maybe I have some grooming to do: aka toenails to trim? The kids get some bonding/snuggling time. My daughter gets practice reading. And my toenails don’t protrude into my shoes. Whew. No guilt. • To give the books on my nightstand a little love, I’ll have my daughter bring her book into my bed and we both lie next to each other reading our own books. We get our own reading time in, while enjoying each other’s company. Again: no guilt.

• Or maybe I am tired of watching Go Diego Go with the kids. I want to watch House Hunters International. Sometimes the kids have to watch what I want to watch. Plus, they learn about living in other cultures. ? As a result, I am happy and don’t need to resent Diego. We have enough to do. We don’t need to layer guilt on top of everything. And, gosh, toenail-trimming is important too.

Thank you to our Star Blogger this week Pippi who is a mother of three kids, ages 6, 9, and 12. ” I parent with thoughtfulness and humor. I’m married to my college sweetheart. Poop talk doesn’t scare me. Even at the dinner table. I’m a smarty pants, good listener, queen of multitasking, and a little dorky. I’m OK with that. I’m a fan of lipstick, Red Vines, and Chinese Checkers. I’m not a fan of mean people, folding laundry, or broccoli-cheese soup (yuck).”

You can find Pippi here:

Blog: Peskypippi.com

Twitter: @peskypippi

Contact: peskypippi@gmail.com

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Nathalie Brown

Child Behaviour Consultant at Easy Peasy Kids
Child Behaviourist and researcher. Creator of "Less tantrums. More smiles". I look at the bigger picture and think outside the box when working with children and their behaviour. Their world is different. As adults we sometimes forget this. Happiness Creator in my spare time. Eater of chocolate and cake.

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Comments

  1. Love it Pippi!! I totally agree!! Mums (or Moms) give, give, give don’t they…it’s important to be creative and make sure we’re not missing out ourselves. That way it’s a win/win isn’t it!

    You know what they say…”if Mum’s happy, the whole family is happy.”
    bx

    • So true. There’s a sweatshirt for sale here in the States that says, “If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy.”

  2. Oh that guilt thing. I think I may be a tad more selfish? Am I? I hope not.

    • Selfish as in “put the air mask on yourself first in an airplane, then help your children.” It seems as if I focus TOO much on the kids’ needs and not my own, I tend to get a teensy bit resentful. And that is not good.

  3. Oh my God, if I hear that Diego tune, I’m going to rip my ears off. Kids are demanding. I exercise my right to selfishness by making them wait for things at the same time learning patience.You see, because at mealtimes I’m like a waitress who doesn’t get paid or tipped, and then when I sit down , those horrible words-“may I have some more, I want milk please” arrgh! Wait until I’ve finished MY first serving. Geez. Can’t a mamma get a mere 10minutes to eat???

    • No kidding. The kids are asking for seconds and you’re running around trying to feed them and you haven’t even eaten yet. And by the time you do eat, your food is cold. Good for dieting. :-)

  4. I love the examples you give about being selfish without the guilt. We need to practise these more and also get it into our heads that we cannot be wonderwoman all the time and need time for us. It makes us better people and parents.

    • Your comments are spot on. We need to view ourselves as important beings. Our children need to view us as important beings too. How can we expect others to value us if we don’t value us? OK, that’s too deep for Pippi, but ya know what I mean. :-)

  5. Hey, I absolutely understand you and I think all moms need some me-time because you just have to be on your own for a while to relax and enjoy the silence, don’t you agree?

  6. However much I love being a mom, I feel that without having some moments, dedicated just to myself, I wouldn’t feel happy and fulfilled, which would eventually reflect on my children!

  7. Great post Pippi. I know I need to be more selfish. I somehow lost myself for a few years and got so wrapped up in kids that I didn’t take any me time. I have discovered the hard way that not having me time is a bad thing for me and for my kids. Its not good for kids to deal with a tired unhappy mum.
    So I am taking small steps to get back to me. Dont get me wrong, I still care for and love my kids. There’s enough room here for all of us to have some “me” and some “us” time!

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