Behaviour: I have two faces. Do you?

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face2Does anyone really know you? Do they know what goes in inside your head? Do they share the voices that you hear? Do they smile outwardly and hide the emotional pain they feel constantly? Is your day a constant one step forward, two steps back?  I fall into all of the above and I’m sure that I’m not alone.

We have friends to share how we feel with, although we are scared to dump too much on them, in fear that we always sound so miserable. We make lists of what will make us happy, and in our heads have an if only list. If only I could change this.

The kids are driving you nuts. The house is a mess. You want to run away. Everyone else seems ok. With social media we can announce “I’ve cleaned the house, the lights switches, I’ve rearranged the pantry and labelled everything” Read it as a statement, not as something you have to do. I haven’t had the chance to wash my hair in a week – gross I know let alone clean light switches.

We are constantly bombarded about how others are feeling and what they are doing, which can overwhelm our own emotions. We feel angry that we can’t get out of our own rut, we take every comment to heart, we dislike who we are becoming with no time for anything, let alone ourselves.

Taking care of your emotional health and being kind to yourself is much harder than sharing your kindness. Yet it’s when we are kind to ourselves that we can deal with our emotions little better, we can ignore to an extent what others may say about us, we can be a little be stronger.

This is the area I’ve been working on myself for the last two days, my 21 days of Tiny steps. Not overwhelming myself with lots of changes but an acceptance of who I am, looking at the bigger picture without over analysing.I’m listening more, talking less and finding some peace within myself.

If you need help, please reach out. Find a professional. Join a support group. Speak to someone you trust, use your voice, any change starts with a tiny step.

We all have matters going on. We all have two faces.

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Nathalie Brown

Child Behaviour Consultant at Easy Peasy Kids
Child Behaviourist and researcher. Creator of "Less tantrums. More smiles". I look at the bigger picture and think outside the box when working with children and their behaviour. Their world is different. As adults we sometimes forget this. Happiness Creator in my spare time. Eater of chocolate and cake.

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Comments

  1. Yesterday I was kind to myself by visiting a soul sister. Today I was kind to myself by booking in a facial and massage next Tuesday. (And I was kind to my 6 yo by finally walking into the pit and cleaning it!!)

    I defiantely find it a whole lot harder to be kind to myself, then I am too others. After I went to the doctor this morning, I was very unkind to myself for berating my brain for not doing what it’s supposed to do, and having to increase medication…
    To be kind to myself I brought myself a mothers pressie that I have been considering for the last two weeks. I smell pretty :)

  2. Two years ago my husband was deployed to a war zone for almost a year. That was the hardest, most emotionally and physically sapping time of our lives. I cried everyday. My daughter Sarah was only two weeks old when he went away. WIth a two year old as well, I cried a lot. But on the outside I showed only strength. People would comment on how gracefully we were doing it. They didn’t know we had baked beans for dinner, they didn’t know I put the kids to bed an hour early because I just couldn’t be there anymore. I remember thinking what a terrible mother I was, how friends of mine whose husbands were deployed at the same time seemed to be coping so much better than I was. Then I realised they were probably coping just the same as I was – strength on the outside, at every moment at the point of breakdown on the inside. I finally built up the courage to talk to a friend, we both cried so much. She told me she thought the same about me. Our relationship has changed forever.

  3. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Nodding. So very true. I’m only just learning and accepting that I’m not the only one with two faces. I have been convinced for too long that everyone has it together but me.

  4. Yes so true. With all the social media people can portray a perfect life.
    Thanks for this, it’s so relevant for me right now,
    I’ve started seeing things within myself as a parent, partner and a person that I don’t like and have been reflecting a lot lately. Trying to manage it and better myself, with a new baby and a 4 yr old at home, my partner,, a family business, studies, endless renovations, a farm and the usual household chores something has to give and lately its been me.
    Its making me turn into someone im not. some one i dont like. Time, or lack of it is a mothers worst enemy because every thing seems to come first with no time left for yourself.

    • I hope you find the happier you, we do far too much yet continue till we feel so very bad, then feel guilty if we stop. Your life is full on, please take care of you xx

  5. Love this Nat…I’ve learned the value of pacing myself…Now, if we were all a little more compassionate and understanding of each other…especially on social media…

    • Thanks Kelly, I don’t think social media will change lots of voices that want to be heard so there will always be the good and the not so good, like life but with social media we can choose to switch off x

  6. I feel this way to, many times. I seem to split down the middle much more when I’m stressed and have too much going on or when the twins are just building the frustration. I need space. I gave myself permission to cry the other day. I sat down beside the car about to haul the groceries inside and just balled. It was so good to do that. I’ve decided that crying is something that can be a great relief, so I’ll do it more often.

  7. Absolutely. I definitely think having my own children has made me consider this a lot more. My daughter (4) said to me just last night, “I feel shy to say “Hello!” in a loud, confident voice to people because I am scared they won’t like me” (bless her). It made me realise though that she probably sees the “confident” side of her mummy all the time and thinks that she should be like that , because when we’re out in public, we put on a face. I explained to her that I feel the same way sometimes as well and that it’s normal to feel like that. Sometimes I am just pretending not to be shy.
    Confidence is often something that you force upon yourself whether it comes naturally or not. If you appear confident then people think you are, even if you’re quaking in your boots on the inside. The same goes for when we’re feeling depressed etc.. we force on that smile. I think this is normal and a survival mechanism in many ways but I think it’s important that you have people around you that you can be “real” around and can talk about how you may really be feeling.
    Thanks for this thoughtful post, Nat x

    • Never ceases to amaze me how much children pick up, you explained it so beautifully to her. People think I’m confident and I am around children but shaking inside when I meet groups of big people 😉

  8. This rings so true. Thanks for the reminder to take care of me. I am always the last person I consider…

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