“Do you feel Invisible? Treated as if not seen”

Do you feel Invisible?”Invisible – Treated as if not seen”

Invisible; that feeling of being totally alone, even when surrounded by people. Invisible; when entering the school playground and all the friendships are all ready formed, so you stand back on the side lines and smile whilst inside you wonder why? Why don’t they like me? Invisible; when you go through a whole day and not one person has asked how you are. Invisible; where you want to do and say so much, yet you feel ignored, your voice just doesn’t seem to cut it, it’s just not loud or different enough for someone to take notice. Invisible; that pain when no one understands you so you get left alone, when you actually want to talk or need a giant hug. Invisible; when you ask for help and no one listens. Invisible; when your needs are always on hold as you juggle life and everything life brings on a daily basis, when you think it can’t get any worse, it does and no one seems to care. Invisible in a twenty four hour world that is constantly communicating, how can we feel invisible when there is an outlet 24/7?

Invisible in an online society

When there are millions of people with something to say, with something to share, people with a past, a present and a future speaking and writing 24/7. Our voice can get hidden or muffled under everyones voice, as we all have a story, we all hurt, we all want to be heard and acknowledged. We crave the need to know that someone and at times anyone can perhaps relate to how we are feeling or even just be there with a kind word, a little bit of encouragement, with no judgement and knowing that you have that connection can make things a little better. You feel for lack of a better word ‘normal’ someone gets what you are saying. It feels good to belong, it feels good that someone understands and relates, you are not alone.

Human behaviour is about connecting, yet when we reach out and don’t get a hand back, you feel isolated and more alone. Invisible. How can your voice be heard? When everyone is talking and writing at the same time. We all struggle with life at certain stages some more than others. Life can suck big time and some stage we have all thought that, been through it and finally emerged on the other side.  You can have constant days, weeks, months and years in turmoil and the way we react and deal with our situation is within our own expectations. We all have something we want to say, we all want to connect whether it be online or in the real world. The real world is now lived online, it has merged. At any given time you can read a Face book update and know what your friend, friends of friends or anyone is feeling or that they’ve just had a glass of red, burnt dinner or are having a breakdown because their day has just fallen apart around them. Bloggers, we passionately write about everything and anything we want to say from what’s on our mind in any given moment to the totally heart wrenching, to the I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself (Yes a hand up here for both can you relate?).  Yet we can all still feel invisible. It is not a battle of who has suffered the most. Many of our past traumas we don’t even share they are locked away, sometimes it comes across when we write but there is no comparison with pain and sadness, it is not a measurable quantity. Pain and sadness can consume you up ferociously that comparisons are futile.

Everyone feels Invisible sometimes

We all feel invisible sometimes. I have no concrete answer or remedy. From personal experience going right back to being a child and now as an adult I get waves of invisibility a few times a day. The way I deal with it varies from calling a girlfriend for a chat, to acknowledging that there are so many voices that want to be heard that mine can wait and that the invisible moment will eventually pass. Everyone has their voice, everyone wants to be heared. I am fortunate that through work I get knocked back into reality with the children I spend the day with. They too have voices, especially those who have endured abuse, trauma  and hardship they have had their life changed forever, who they will be and who they will become. Their innocence, their childhood ripped violently away from them. The hungry children, the children that need a little more time or a different way of learning  a skill because they don’t fit into the so called ‘regular box’.I take on their voice and fight with every ounce of my body their battle. My voice is their voice it has to be strong, factual and ready to retaliate, this is a time when I make sure my voice is heard loud and clear.

Life is made up of lot of voices and experiences. If you want to be heard keep pushing your voice through and don’t give up. Your voice is just as valuable as the next. We connect through our stories and we connect through our differences too. Through our life we will meet those we do not gel with and vice a versa, don’t waste time in over analysing why you are not connecting sometimes it just wasn’t meant to be. In the school yard, have a look around there will be another mother standing on her own. It doesn’t matter if your kids aren’t friends or in the same class,  or she’s not your usual type (preconceived perceptions are internal set of barriers) what matters is that you may miss hearing a voice that connects with yours.

Sometimes our own actions through no fault of our own can render us invisible. Past trauma or abuse prevents us from trusting and forming new relationships. We don’t know if someone will understand us or where we are coming from when we talk. Your past has made you who you are today but don’t let it define who you want to be. It’s a difficult journey, baby steps all the way. Other times we may feel invisible as we all voice similar experiences, specifically when we write and talk about motherhood, our tears, our frustrations and even our proud moments as a mother. As long as we can relate does it mater whose voice is the loudest? If you want to share a similar story go fo it, there will be someone who nods and agrees and if they don’t well it’s still your story, your voice.

Although it is not a great consolation when you are feeling invisible I know that there is someone, somewhere and normally a much larger group than you think that feel invisble too. Sometimes you have to take the first step, put on the smile, make the eye contact and say hello and imagine them feeling a bit like you, invisible because feeling invisible happens a lot more often than those that get heard.

Where’s My Glow?

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Nathalie Brown

Child Behaviour Consultant at Easy Peasy Kids
Child Behaviourist and researcher. Creator of "Less tantrums. More smiles". I look at the bigger picture and think outside the box when working with children and their behaviour. Their world is different. As adults we sometimes forget this. Happiness Creator in my spare time. Eater of chocolate and cake.

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  1. Lovely post, and a sentiment that is shared by many (maybe everyone to some extent). I think it’s the nature of social media, maybe just human nature. We put ourselves out there, we don’t get a response, we take it personally. x

    • Hello gorgeous hope you are well. Bit a both I think social media and human nature. I think it hurts many mothers at the school playground too. Nx

  2. Thanks Nathalie. I really needed to read this today. The old ‘invisible in the playground’ thing has reared it’s ugly head again.

    • Debbie it is a horrid feeling, you hold your head up high be your wonderful self and have a little look round and see who else may be feeling the same Big Hugs Nx

  3. Fantastic post Nathalie. Beautiful writing. Thank you. Catherine

  4. Kirsty says

    Hi 🙂 Great article and so spot on for so many of us. I think you tend to re live high school days once you have your first child at school. There is an excitement and expectation that it will be different once you are the parent but unfortunately, in all environments there are clicky groups that we don’t seem to fit in to. I now work and have found the same problem in the work place as I am in a male dominated job (plunber and gas fitter) so I often don’t get included in the male banter and because I enjoy my manly job I don’t fit in with the females 🙁 So again thankyou for posting this as I was sitting here feeling lonely even though I am surrounded by lots of people……good to remember others and not become to self absorbed 🙂 Have a fantastic week everyone!!!

    • Kirsty wow love that you are a plumber and gas fitter but can appreciate how you can feel invisible amongst the men. It is clickey at svhool but there are clickly groups every where. It wouldbe good if they could add a few more of us in but hey they are the ones missing out. You to have a fab week Nx

  5. Wow, I can relate to this post! I feel invisible so often and sometimes it really hurts. I have wanted to write about it but never found the right words. Invisible in the playground for sure, invisible online, for sure. I’m still not even sure how to handle these moments of ‘invisibility’. Thank you for putting it into words for me. So perfectly written.
    I will share your link.

    • It does hurt Leonie I so wish it didn’t we take it personally because we are human and have emotions.I’ll be heading over to have a read of your blog. I’m not sure how to handle the invisibility, I often try and lose myself in a good book or dance to some loud music. Thanks for sharing Nx

  6. You are right, there is no comparison with pain, trauma and sadness. Far too often I hear people try to help others by using an example of a worse scenario. I don’t think it’s always helpful.

    • Carli hope you are good:) Yes it difficult when you compare pain, we are all different. If you are hurting, you are hurting, you need a hug not know about how another person’s experience was possibly more painful xx

  7. *_* think I’ll make a hot cup of tea and take a few moments to pull myself together now.

  8. Oh Nat, this is a wonderful post. Very relatable.

  9. You really hit the nail on the head with this post. I feel invisible too many times a day to count. I know it is me that is holding back but it is really hard to take the first step sometimes.

    I think this is a post that I might come back to again and again.

    Thank you for writing it.

    • Alicia it is difficult to take the first step, even harder when you try and still get ignored. Yet I keep trying and give the benefit of the doubt. I normalyy try 3 times and after that stop worrying and move on.

  10. We are so connected and yet still so isolated.
    I tend to be rather loud and obnoxious when I’m feeling invisible… much like the child who acts out to get told off because negative attention is better than none at all. Not the best way to navigate life.

    • Connected yet isolated so relatable to me on so many aspects. Like you I sometimes act out too other times I withdraw, just know I find you inspiring and I think you rock xxx

  11. Thank you for this post. I have struggled this week (for more than a week, really) feeling frustrated and lost but until I read this i couldn’t really identify why i felt tht way. I think invisibility is a term that fits perfectly.

    • How we feel can be disguised in many different ways, invisible covers a variety of our emotions, hope you feel less invisible very soon. Hugs Nx

  12. You are right. I imagine there are lots of people who feel like this daily and many who hide it well and put on that smile and air of confidence. The invisible can also look like self-doubt, low self-esteem, unsureness and loneliness.

  13. Oh Nathalie. I thought you may have peeped into my life and wrote this for me! I’ve probably felt ‘invisible’ for most of my life. Thank you for addressing this issue. It is comforting to know that I really am not alone feeling this way.

    • Hello lovely, I think many feel invisible at some stage, don’t let it get to you, as you are never invisible to your children xx

  14. Tracy Williams says

    I feel invisible and then when I am noticed I want to hide. Hmm I’m crazy lol Target

  15. i feel invisible im a good guy no threat to anyone or myself but i feel like the only way im notessed is when someone wants to see the worst out of me im not the best looking in the world but i have got alote good values that people take no notess of except stero type someone which is wronge

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