I Want to Runaway
There are days that I just want to runaway. I want to runaway from the voice in my head. I want to run from the mess in my house. I want to run and just be on my own.
I want to drive far away and have no distractions, no sounds, I don’t want to speak and I don’t want to see anyone I just want to runaway.
As a teen I wanted to runaway, runaway from school, the homework, the exams, the lectures, the shoulds and the don’ts, and one day I did run, I got on tube and got as far as the airport and came back home expecting an argument but no one had even noticed I had gone. I should have known there was so much other stuff going on, so much stuff that when I think of it now it’s no surprise I wanted to run.
I know in my heart I won’t runaway, it’s just my brain on some crazy day it just goes on and on and on with its you should be doing this or that but when you’re feeling flat, you just don’t need that.
How can I run? When I’m pivotal to keeping my family together. I’m a wife, carer and mum with kids I adore and I’m so very fortunate that they are great kids. Mr 6 used a whole packet of baby wipes to clean his bike today it made me smile, I wasn’t cross although I did say next time maybe use a cloth.
I can’t runaway he was also a chicken today walking round squawking with disposable gloves on his feet and hands making his grandma laugh and she needs to laugh.
So what did I do instead of running away, I set Mr 6 up on his Xbox and put a movie on for mum and lay in my bed saying you can’t runaway from your chicken and mum.
I gave myself some time not much but just enough to runaway in my head to a sun soaked filled beach where I drank margaritas till I fell asleep.
I can’t explain the human brain fully but I think on days where you want to runaway, you need to find a few moments to at least runaway in your head.
You need to find some quiet.
The world is no longer quiet, it’s loud and in your face with headlines that want us to react and normally not with good news.
It seems like no-one is happy either with themselves, their life or the life of others.
We are driven to continous distraction, we need to learn to switch off for ourselves, our kids and our sanity.
I then like to reminisce of the fun and funny the happy moments and be grateful for the amazing life I do have. It doesn’t get rid of the running away feeling but it grounds me.
So take the time even if its a small amount to run fast, run slow take yourself where ever you want to go, don’t feel bad our busy lifes and the constant distractions may make you want to runaway, so run in your head, run fast, run slow, its your show, your run, It’s OK to runaway…….
Where will you run to in your head?
My daughter just bit her younger brother…it’s been a really rough week, but I thought we were over the biting at least. So, she is in her room screaming, and I’m reading your posts (my run away time I suppose!)…why do they always come at such appropriate moments? You have made me cry, well, you and the kids! And now I want to run away and hug you. Thanks Nathalie.
Big Hugs Pauline it all seems to happen at once but we get through it – we are stonger than we realise xxx
Thanks Nat needed this today. It seems like everything is happening at once at the moment. I like the idea of running away in your head. Certainly seems a bettet option than actually running away. Just have to stop my own voice
The voice part is hard takes a lot of practice try to acknowledge it is there but that is just simply a voice it has no control over you, you can still feel urgh and try and give yourself a break. Xx
I have ‘time out’ way more than my 3 boys. I tell them ‘mummy is having time out until the bell (oven timer) rings!’ They understand what it means. One really tough day though when I had heard “mummy can we….” and “mummy do you want to ……” way too many times, I did tell them that ‘mummy just wants to hide in the walk in wardrobe for some peace and quiet!’ I am lucky though – they are healthy and at 5, 7 and 12 it is getting way easier!
Jo love the timer idea we all have our own coping mechanisms. For me I think it’s more the caring for mum and her continuos decline everyday is a little bit harder but all worth it when she laughs or smiles.
Your posts are so real, thank you for that!
I smiled about your ‘chicken’ he sounds super 🙂
After a very long time I’m in a place that I don’t want to run from, despite spending a long time wanting to. I’m in the moment & it’s good, I’m blessed & most of all I’m loved & have those to love. No running, well not today, maybe tomorrow lol x
Gabby it’s almost a fleeting moment where you get the feeling of running away then it passes. I’d never do it I love my family to bits, I just wanted to express that it’s ok to have this feeling, and that at times we need to be able to stop, breathe and restart. So happy to hear you are good xxx
Oh Nathalie, I can soooo relate to this. I’ve had moments where I’ve wanted to walk out and leave everything, but I know if I do that, no one will ever trust me again, my husband, my kids, my family and friends, they’d all just be waiting for it to happen again. And so even when I feel like I’m drowning I just get on with it. Lack of choice maybe, or maybe I just make the choice.
Mandy that is what we do, we get on with it and then a fab moment comes along and all is worthwhile xx
Alll the time! Some days I want to grab the kids and get on a plane and go home. Some days I want to get on a plane and leave the kids here.
I never will, of course, But the urge can be quite strong.
In my head I run to a sun-filled backyard with good friends, no kids, no responsibilities, drinks, good food, laughter and music.
Darling Toushka 🙂 Thank you for making me feel OK,it must be such a big adjustment for you being there, I’m always around if you need to chat or vent. xx
Oh wow this couldnt have come to me on a more appropriate day! Thanks for putting my feelings into words. I love my little boy so much and he’s such fun but he’s extremely high energy and that plus recently returning to work and supervising others makes me feel a little overwhelmed. It’s like I need one and a half “mes” to get it all done. This is not only a timely reminder that only I can get myself to stop but also comforting to know that all of us feel that way and we can be such a wonderful support to each other. Take care and have a great week all. Mrs F x
I believe many mums feel this but are scared of such a powerful emotion, yet it’s ok to feel like this and not beat ourselves up about it. Life is so hectic and our minds get overwhelmed and need an escape whatever that may be. hope you have a fab week too. Nx
Oh, I could have written this post!!! Although I hadn’t really come up with a solution, but I love the idea of running away in your head & will certainly be trying it next time the feeling arises. Thankyou 🙂
Kelly we all need a little space, whether it’s in our heads or doing something however small just for us, reading, listening to music, whatever takes your fancy. x
Want to run away ALL THE TIME! My husband and I always detbate that neither one would be able to handle the other’s job. He travels so much and I am the one at home, all the time, most days and every night. I often feel trapped with little choice and when the youngens are talking to me at midnight, the middle of the night…I think I really could run screaming out of the house! But to this day I haven’t- I stay up late and read blogs and enjoy the silence in the house while I can get it. Hugs to you xxxx
We are so strong and resilient that the runaway is alamost like an escape valve releasing the pressure, we don’t literally runaway but we find a distraction that makes us feel better. Big hugs to you too loveliness xx
I think we all want to runaway sometimes. I run by going for a run – literally or by doing something nice for myself like seeing friends or just walking. It is not easy contending with everything life throws at you and sometimes time out lets you let off steam/relax/change the scenery.
I’m a walker and sometimes that’s all it takes, a little walk my favourite song and things calm down in my head Nx
Ohhhhh MY!! Just LOVED this post I often feel like I want to run away… Book into a Hotel with a book, some cozy Jim jams and fluffy slippers.. Thanks Nat will share this!
We have a run away night of our own soon and so looking forward it roll on our Friday night xx
It’s always so reassuring to know you’re not the only one who has these thoughts. Yesterday I had one of my “maybe I could just walk away from it all” moments too. Fortunately they don’t come round so often now, but it does make me angry at myself that they happen at all. The little things are the best. I love that your son cleaned his bike with a pack of baby wipes. How could you not smile on the inside at that! x
Working with mums and being one myself I just wanted to reassure mums that it is a normal feeling, a tough feeling but nevertheless one that does occur and we then feel even worse for feeling it -vicious circle.
Yes Mr 6 always has a way of making me smile and bringing me back into a happy moment.
I remember not so long ago having a day like this. The kids were being completely unreasonable and before I knew it, in a rush of tears I said it out loud, “I feel like running away”. Nothing was said until a few weeks late when my 9 yr old son in a delicate moment said it had really scared him. Of course I regret it and wish I had run away into my head like you suggest, but I guess on those types of days everything seems so overwhelming. We are human, we’re vulnerable and we make mistakes. Thankfully it opened the door for my son and I to share a little more about how we feel and how we can express those feelings appropriately. Although I’m careful with the content, I believe by setting the example and letting him know when I’m feeling ‘down’, it will help him to feel free to do the same.
I’ve not said it out loud, it’s always in my head and it’s probably the stress and worry of caring for mum. Although my kids are great at picking up the tone in my voice Mr 6 will say are you sad, tired, angry, I reply as honestly as I can saying Mum is tired because I was up with grandma during the night. Talking about our feeling s with our children at a level they understand is a very important life and social skill.
I hear you on this! Loud and clear I have those days alot I guess in time my runaway will fade into the distance *sigh*.
It comes in waves Dannie, you can be fine one moment ad then the next it all gets too much. Make sure you find your own run away spot with something you like to do even if its for a short period. Nx
great post nathalie. I think so many of us can relate. In actual fact, I seriously could have run away last week when it was all getting a little much. But then, a glimse of a smile, a cuddle, a laughter, and joy makes you realise why we are where we are.
Fortunately I have an incredible hubby who lets me run away for some time out when i need it. x
Tahlia it’s almost a hush hush secret that we can feel his way. It’s a little bit harder for me to get away due to acring for mum. I’m looking forward to DP where I will be away for one whole night 🙂 and lie you say children just have the knack of keeping it real and filling our hearts with smiles x
A timely one for me today, Nat. I have a toddler going through a Wonder Week (developmental leap) and I’m near pulling my hair out. She’s now tucked up in bed having an arvo nap, so I can have a little break too.
I should be working (because my to do list is HUGE), but “online browsing” is just what my brain needs (the next best option after online shopping!).
Urgh to do lists make me want to run away big time I keep adding to it but just do what I can 🙂 enjoy your little break and thanks for coming by xx
Yes. And I have never thought of it quite like this but I do it too: runaway in my head. Love this x
Thanks Kelly, at times our heads can drive us a little nuts, but finding the quiet in our own run away place certainly helps me.xx
Thanks – I needed this as I lie here at 4:45am stressing about the day to come, the to do list ahead and not enough hours to do the same stuff on the list!
I’m going to put this down, close my eyes and run, not walk, to the beach in my mind for a quick dip, some sun and meditation!
Thanks again!
Gab x
My to do list too is alawys long but as long as I take a few minutes out to run away things then don’t seem as bad Nx
I sometimes want to run away and find the old less grumpy mum me. It usually means I need a day to myself. Sometimes I hide in the laundry for some peace, glad Im not the only one that feels this way…
Rachael thanks for the visit, many of us feel the need to runway whether it’s the laundry, bathroom or going for a 5 minute walk. Nx
Oh Nat. This made me cry, big heavy tears. It is a thought I carry with me almost constantly. That I want to run away. I think the only thing holding me to the ground many days are my children. The need to be stable for them, to be here, the person they love and know and trust.
There have been times I’ve even planned it out in my head, how I will just pack them up in the middle of the night and walk for miles and miles until I’m so far away from everyone and everything that no one will be able to find us. That we can just be left in peace.
But truth is, I won’t be left in peace. You can’t escape your own head.
Any time you want to run away, I am happy to hide out with you. We can give life the bird together.
I was going to say don’t cry but it is ok to cry, just wish I could be there too with chocolate and tissues. You are right ” You can’t escape your own head” I try really hard to focus on each moment, takes practice but it’s my handling mechanism it allows me to care for mum, be a mum, be a wife and still be me, if that makes sense. I live, work, study behaviour and it’s still tough xxxx
I can really relate to this. Its nice to get some quiet headspace all to yourself. Refresh. And get back to life x
Even just a few minutes quiet can make a big difference Nx
What a beautifully written post, and gosh it's good to hear that I'm not only one who dreams of running away many days! Not that I don't love my kids/ life / hubby etc no one ever told us it would be this hard (and exhausting)!
Thanks Georgia it is a very normal feeling 🙂
Ahem, yes. All. The. Time. However, 10 and a bit years after having my first child (I have 2 boys) it’s starting to lessen ever so slightly. Why? Because I’ve done craploads of work on being able to manage it and this is the first time I’ve admitted out loud that it’s starting to lessen. It’s taken years though. When freedom is your top value, running away is high on your agenda!! Great post as usual 🙂
Thanks Lisa, it is a real juggle for me, I think more so with caring for mum, but I think I’m getting there. All these emotions keep building up and I managing Ok and OK is good enough for me. So pleased that you share that it does take a lot of work to manage it all. Nx
Love a bit of alone time….sometimes for me, it’s just as simple as going to the movies by myself to fully immerse myself in it! Running away in my head sounds like a wonderful alternative though when movies is not an option (or there’s nothing worth seeing!!)
The alone time is so important and for me hard to find but I can always run Away in my head x
There are definitely days when I want to run away. Just pick up the car keys and wallet and drive, keep driving.
Then, sometimes I think about packing my bas, buying a one way ticket to Bali. I imagine sitting in a villa, and just write.
But I wouldn’t. I would never.
Instead, I just go for a jog around the neighbourhood instead 🙂 x
Grace we never run away as long as we have an outlet Nx
I actually started jogging last year because the desire to run away was so overwhelming. At the time my baby was going through a period of reflux and breast refusal and screened all day and my toddler ran wild while. As soon as the girls were in bed I would go for my run and the sense or relief was amazing.
I'm here via Dr Bron. The little girl picking her nose in the linky button belongs to me and it always makes me smile to see her on so many great blogs! x
Hi Catherine I use to run and I remember how good it was mentally -now I walk the dog. Your girls is super cute x
Hi Nat – I have found that night time is the best time to “run”. I put the kids to bed and say Goodbye Mr Rucker. Off I go to the movies with a friend, to the shops for a little window shopping or most recently to Officeworks. Our local store closes at midnight and its the best time to get photos printed, do some graphics or just paw over some new stationery….Always revives me! x
Perfect way to run away, I lose myself in office works love all their accessories xx