Overloaded…Overwhelmed… Over It…

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Overloaded… Overwhelmed… Over It…

Forty days have passed since my mother moved into high care and the world continues. Forty days since I last blogged and the world continues. Forty days it has taken me to feel OK. If you pass me on the street I look OK, if you speak to me I sound OK because what you cannot see with your eyes I am dealing with inside. That is my emotional mechanism and what I do and what most of us do. We all deal with things the only way we know, some of us can move on quite quickly and some of us take much longer to heal there is no set healing formula we can all follow to feel better. There are also events that may never ever fully heal, the deep wounding scar is not noticeable to the eye but you can feel it clawing at your heart, some days you have moments where you almost forget and some days for what ever reason it is a horrendous movie clip playing over and over, you cannot switch it off. Yet when asked “How are you?” you say “I’m fine”. Or the ever upbeat my personal favourite “Cheer up it may never happen” but it has already happened it has happened too many times. You force a smile because you just do, as head butting people who say “Cheer up it may never happen” is probably illegal and I know they are only trying to help and it is difficult to see the bigger picture when the picture is hidden inside.

Overloaded…Overwhelmed… Moving On

 Taking a break from blogging as we all settle into family life without mum being here, with  many visits to her in between appointments  and  crazy amount of work to catch up on, which I am slowly getting on top of. I am very grateful the house is still standing. We have lived on  take aways, late nights and spraying deodorant on school uniforms that I forgot to wash. We have cried, we have laughed, we have had stupid arguments and we have got through in some way or another. Life we stumble through the best we can. Some days are good, others you would rather forget.

The world has continued to tick on by like it does for everyone, although I have not blogged I like to stay in the blogging loop and  reading blogs the continuing undercurrent of feeling judged is forever present just like real life. We all have our own daily issues, we all  have our own  personal world to deal with and the support in the blogosphere is truly one in a million yet one harsh comment can devastate  the toughest of people. A blog is a personal expression  of how that blogger feels, not a carte blanche where someone can bully and judge. In life it takes  approximately twelve seconds  from when you meet someone  to where you decide whether you like them or not. It’s a small window to make such a big decision. Reading a blog is just a small window that you’ve been allowed to see.

Although I work with behaviour there a still many aspects that are so unknown to me, so many why’s, so many areas I am still learning and researching because I truly want to understand both the the simplicity and the complexity of human behaviour. I put my hand up and can say I understand a fair amount but there are behaviours that baffle me to the core. I can go back right into childhood and still struggle to put the pieces together. Human behaviour a puzzle of a million pieces.

Overloaded… Overwhelmed…It’s OK

Too scared to blog a feeling many bloggers can at times feel as they open their souls and wait for the back lash. We should not have to feel this. I worry that when I blog about child behaviour I am adding to the over load of parenting information, so as a professional in this area, I avoid blogging about it so as not to overwhelm mothers any more than they already are. Which sounds nuts, a cooking blogger does not stop blogging about cooking so that people that are not great cooks do not feel overwhelmed.

We all feel overloaded and overwhelmed even more so once we become parents, my break has taught me that it is totally my choice what to read, it is totally my choice if I choose to get wound up, it is totally my choice if I want to blog about kids, Alzheimer’s and good causes. It is your choice if you want to read about it. I am constantly having to look at the bigger picture and the bigger picture is what helps me, it also helps me help others, that’s my role and that’s my voice. I want nothing in return.

Losing the overwhelmed feeling is about accepting what I can do in a single day, adding heaps to my not to sweat it list and by always returning and looking at the bigger picture. I am very grateful for my work it grounds me every day, every child I work with brings me something new I learn just from them and a clarity to focus my energies on where I feel the most good can be done. My best advice on children is you know them best, patience you need by the gallons and make the time you have with them have as many laughs as possible.

How  you feel is a genuine feeling, how others feel about you should not concern you too much, your heart will tell you that you are doing OK.

There are no comparisons and there are no competitions in the level of pain one feels and how we deal with it, but a little empathy and little more compassion goes a long way. I am back after my drought and look forward to sharing what Easy Peasy Kids is doing next. The new challenge to feel less overwhelmed will be ready by September may be I’ll see you there, in the meantime remember there will always be a battle going on, it’s your choice whether you join in suited up in armour, or just keep an eye on it from a distance.

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Nathalie Brown

Child Behaviour Consultant at Easy Peasy Kids
Child Behaviourist and researcher. Creator of "Less tantrums. More smiles". I look at the bigger picture and think outside the box when working with children and their behaviour. Their world is different. As adults we sometimes forget this. Happiness Creator in my spare time. Eater of chocolate and cake.

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Comments

  1. Love to you my friend, it is all so hard and people think that I am joking when I say that Dory from Finding Nemo is my guru, but honestly Nathalie all I can do is, “Just keep Swimming” In the early days it took every bit of strength I had to resist the urge to just go to bed and stay there. All I wanted to do was go to bed. But of course that was never an option and so I just kept on swimming. XOXOXOXOX

  2. Oh honey – what a beautiful post filled with so much wisdom. Every day I wish I could give you a hug because every day you continue to help others in so many beautiful and thoughtful ways despite the fact that you probably just want to curl into a little ball and hide in the corner.
    Love ya Nat

  3. Oh Nathalie, such a heartfelt post. Huge hugs to you and your family. Wish I lived a bit closer so I could easily drop over a lasagne and a bottle of wine, but for now just know that I’m thinking of you. Hang in there. xxx

  4. I love this post so much my friend.

    Relate to all of it.

    Cried throughout it.

    And the best answer to the idiots that say ‘cheer up it may never happen’ – oh I hate them – is ‘it already has’.

    That usually shuts them up.

    x

    • So looking forward to seeing you soon, sorry you cried, that’s what I do a lot of too seems daily Thank you for always being so wonderfully you and your support.Nx

  5. Lizzy D says:

    Nathalie what a beautiful and raw entry. Thank you for sharing. I often think of you and how giving you are. Deodorant sprayed uniforms would be the least of my concerns if I had a Mum as loving and compassionate as you.
    Be kind to you xxxx

    • Thank you Lizzy, Mr 7 loves smelling of Lynx and feels like a man when I spray him. Hope you are well, my compassionate side is all form my mum, Love Nx

  6. I think one of the hallmarks of an amazing post is when as a reader I sit here nodding along, as if I’m right there with you. And this had me nodding and crying.

    Swimming, doggy paddling, treading water, or to really stretch the analogy, hanging on to a life raft waiting for the storm to blow over. We do what we have to do to get by in times of such upheaval.

    Love to you and yours xx

    • Beautiful lady it’s a tough gig this being a grown up. I know you too have been through lots lately. So sending a giant hug to you and look forward to our next IRL catchup Nx

  7. Such beautiful words Nathalie, and so true. Thank you for taking the time to share with us, as your family is going through so much. xx

  8. You have always shared so much love, light and happiness here in the blogging world, and so many of us think the world of you. Wishing you much love and happiness in the coming months, as always. xx

  9. SylvaMC says:

    Thank you for sharing – as always, your openness and spirit shine through and once again your ‘humanness’ helps us validate our own. Thinking of you and yours xx

    • It felt good to share after a break, I am so very human and a very big softie too. Thank you for always being around, your support and words mean a lot Nx

  10. Thinking of you xo

  11. So beautifully written, I can relate to that overwhelm feeling, such a huge challenge o go through. Thank you for sharing your soul xx

    • Alicia I think many of us can relate because we all have our battles and challenges. Thank you for reading and your comment x

  12. Nat, that’s a powerful post to come back with, from your wee hiatus! Totally feeling it.

    We never really know what is going on in other people’s lives do we? We can ask the ‘right’ questions out of politeness or even out of habit. One can reply honestly and often awkwardly, or just continue with the facade….which is in the short term, much easier and more ‘comfortable’ for everyone.

    I’m always advocating openness and vulnerability, but you have to have the ‘right; person to share your burdens with don’t you? I personally find that challenging in my line of work and imagine it is similar for you. So….That’s what I’m wishing for you right now. A few core people that are listening, hugging and supporting you through all this. (Here if you need an extra too xx)

    • That’s all so very true Kirri, finding the right person can be difficult and also opening up emotionally can be hard. My Mr seems to be my listener and my friends both in the Blogosphere and in real life are supportive and always very huggable. Xxx

  13. There are so many parts of this post that I can identify with at the moment. I just keep telling myself it will pass, just like storms always do. Hopefully a beautiful rainbow will appear soon for you. Lots of love Fee xx

    • It does all pass somedays are just that little tougher but as long as I keep finding rainbows no matter how small then al is OK XXX

  14. Such a beautiful heartfelt post. We cope the best we can don’t we.
    We need more caring souls like you in the world. Take care, thinking of you. x

  15. Welcome back x

  16. Debyl1 says:

    I too am crying but it is because I am so very grateful for you Nathalie and your wonderful encouraging posts.
    Without your words I really dont know how I would have coped these last two months mum has been in the nursing home.
    I know you understand from a daughters point of view the feelings in the heart when you have to mother your mum.
    Others say they understand but then say…. thats life,she has lived hers and I have to get on with mine.
    That doesnt sound to me like they get it at all.Oh if only it was that easy.
    Thankyou so very much for your raw open posts as they have been my guiding light.
    Much love to you with big hugs of gratitude.xx

    • You are such a darling sweetheart, you have helped me so much with your comments and supportive tweets, no one can really ever fully understand someone else’s feelings, we can only empathise and offer support and plenty of hugs. Always here for you and happy to chat anytime Big Giant Hugs Nx

  17. I hate the “Cheer up, it may never happen” people, because it already did and I am at the end of my tether, so shut up!

    It’s a huge readjustment for you and no wonder that you needed to take a break from work, from this space, from housekeeping.

    I hope that as you settle back into life, even though it’s changed for ever and no doubt it will keep changing, you can find peace and joy in the every day moments.

    Big hugs…

    • I also dislike the “Snap out of it” it’s hard to think before speaking, but what we all feel is totally valid. I am settling in, enjoying the reconnection of working with kids, they make me laugh and keep be grounded as do my own two munchkins. I have forgotten our lunch date :) Nx

  18. Oh my love. I am glad you took your time to be ready and I’m glad you’re back. “Overwhelm”- now there’s a word. I look forward to seeing what more you have to say about it. Always here for you xxxx

  19. Judy Culgan White says:

    Thank you so much Nathalie for posting this. I don't know you personally but I love your page. I can relate to every single word you have written so much that I could have written it myself. Huge hugs to you.

  20. Can’t add anything that your other readers haven’t already said beautifully…but you already know I think you are super amazing xx

  21. Thinking of you. Looking forward to what the less overwhelmed you has in store.

  22. Nathalie,

    Just wanted to leave a note to say I’ve read this and I really appreciate your honesty. There is a time for everything and this exhausting period will also come to a close. xoxo P

  23. Thank you for sharing Nat and I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been going through such a tough time. I think sometimes people need to remember that at any given time, any person out there could be (and probably is) dealing with so much more than what is visible to the naked eye. Your post reminds me to be more understanding and more compassionate and that simple things like smiling at a stranger can still bring small amounts of happiness that needn’t be overlooked. Will be thinking about you and hoping that the bright moments of life begin to outweigh the dark x

    • Understanding and compassion is what keeps us strong and going through our daily lives. I am a big smiler I feel it certainly makes a difference Nx

  24. Thank you for a beautifully written and heartfelt blog. Our parents aging and getting sick is an inevitable part of life but made somewhat easier by the sharing of your wisdom and insight xx

  25. Thank you for a beautifully written and heartfelt blog. Our parents aging and getting sick is an inevitable part of life but made somewhat easier by the sharing of your wisdom and insight xx.

  26. I’m sorry there is pain behind your smile, but please now that your smile takes other people’s pain away. It is so beautiful and there. As are you.

    (Am also a ‘just keep swimming’ advocate 😉

    xxxxx

    • Darling Penny 😉 Thank you I am a smiler, years of working with kids and their smiley outlook is catching. Today I hope to rush less so I will be breastroking trough my day.

      Lots of love to you Nx

  27. I’ve been watching your situation from afar and wondering how on earth you’re getting through each day: family, work, your mum and I guess when faced with this stuff, you just do get on with it, despite the challenges faced. I don’t know you but you seem to handle things with grace.

    I for one would love to hear your thoughts on child behaviour. I’ve just read The Whole-brain Child and it’s fascinating.

    Take care of yourself as much as you can.

  28. Sherryn Loke says:

    Thank you for sharing your stories and reflections…they inspire and encourage.

  29. Just having come back from 2 weeks in New York I realised that the issues that were here before are still here. I may have had a break from them but there’s no dancing around them anymore. I thought about you while I was in NY and wondering how your mum was going.

    I don’t know whether to be pissed off with how much you, me or anyone has to deal with or impressed with just how resilient we can be.

    I admire you for your strength.

    Love & stuff
    Mrs M

    • Hello beautiful, I had to cancel my trip but like you say the issues remain. I am amaze at the resilience we have and how we just plug through. Can’t wait to see you Nx

  30. Oh Nathalie, I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. Our relationships with our mothers are so central and just all-encompassing. To watch them get sick is excruciating. You are doing the right thing, taking a break (or not taking a break) as you feel the need to pull away (or connect). It can be difficult to process and just deal day to day with something that is so painful, and then to try to keep up a blog on top of all that, to have to decide what to say and what not to say, sometimes if just feels like too much. There are days I love my blog and days I want to hide from it, for all the reasons you articulated above. All the best to you. x

    • Hello Lovely, hope you are OK, just plodding along the best I can, i’m in hiding today after a jaw op which has me looking like a deranged chipmunk. Hope we get to catch up soon Nx

  31. Nathalie, I love your honesty and your heart. Beautiful words. Much much love to you. xx

  32. Very powerful. Very true. And hits home. Thanks for your honesty.

  33. I love how you told yourself, told us that being overwhelmed is okay. I try to say to myself what’s getting worried about something going to achieve? It doesn’t always work but it usually grounds by thoughts somewhat.

  34. Only saw this article/ website after a tweet from Jess Rowe. Where were you when I had 4 children at home and a hectic life a decade ago?? maybe you were there but I dont think i had a lot of time for reading! I don’t know what I’d do if my mother had been ill when my children were young but I’d like to think I could have done what you do. My MIL has just passed away after spending 2 years in high care in a dementia wing. I cared for her after my FIL died and was astonished at how he’d managed,while being so ill himself,to care for her and also managed to hide from us just how ill she really was. They lived a 3 hour trip away from us so we didn’t see them on a daily basis. I think dementia is still a hush hush topic, so good on you for your blogging about your beautiful mum. When my husband and I put my MIL in high care I felt a dreadful guilt, but coming and living with us would have taken her away from her familiar town, friends and daughter. But what I didn’t predict was that as the dementia progresses friends disappear anyway.I couldn’t blame them as their visits meant nothing to her in fact they would be admonished for no one ever visiting her which was her reality in a memory which disappeared the moment it arrived. It is shocking that you have had to go through this while your children are so young and yet I know for certain you will always be comforted that you were a beautiful and selfless daughter who did absolutely everything for her mum who by the sounds of your blogs was/is equally selfless and beautiful. You’ve lost your dad so you know the infinite misery of grief and with dementia it seems a bitter double whammy.You have seen your mum’s vibrant personality slowly die. You know- – those who never love never ever have to grieve. Grief is a high price for loving someone but I know Id rather grieve than never having loved at all Although you haven’t always been physically present, your children will have learnt so much from you that a less extraordinary life would never give them. I speak from experience that adversity shared lovingly and honestly in a family can glue that family together. Further your children have witnessed perseverance and unquestionable love first hand and they will carry that in their relationships and careers to come. (the picture of Mr 7 chatting with the old man says hes already a very caring little guy and the smiling photo of Miss 16 shows she’s on her way too despite her inner sadness) I’m glad you can write again, you obviously have a wide audience and there would be no one who couldn’t look in awe at what you and yours have accomplished thus far with your family.

    • Dearest Wendy thank you so very much for taking the time to comment your “those who never love never ever have to grieve” is so very true. I am very fortunate that my children and husband have my back at all times. It so very strange going through the daily visits to mum then continuing on with work and family as if every thing were OK. I am getting there dealing with the grief of mum but still having happy moments with my family. Work also grounds me as I spend all my time with children.
      Thank you again for your thoughtful words and sharing part of your life with me, so sorry that MIL passed away, the circle of life of loving and grieving makes us who we are, hopefully compassionate towards others and a little stronger inside. Love Nathalie x

  35. Your words reminded of myself after I found out my partner has a brain tumor. Not a happy moment and your words fit perfectly withe way a feel. Love for you and prayers too. It’s not the same, I know, but letting your feelings arise surely help. Hug 2U!

    • Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m so very sorry to hear about for partner, that is truly soul destroying. How we all continue never ceases to amaze me. The inner strength at times seems to come from no where. Thank you of sharing Big Hugs Nx

  36. Loveliest Nathalie, there aren’t enough people like you in the world. Your intelligence, patience, wisdom, your fullness of heart and generosity of spirit. You are someone I admire and respect immensely. I so hope things get easier for you soon. I think of you every day. Much, much, much love and thanks to you for sharing your extraordinary self with me xxxx

    • Darling Cat, your words mean so very much to me. Things are a little better and we continue to smile and enjoy as many good moments as we can. Lots of love back to you gorgeous Nx

  37. hugs to you and your family. You have poured your heart and soul into writing this, I hope it helps.

  38. Veronica @ Mixed Gems says:

    You are an inspiration, Nat, even through your struggles. your kindness and compassion drips from every post. I’m looking forward to your new steps this September.

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