What Fear are you afraid of unconsciously teaching your child?

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What Fear are you afraid of unconsciously teaching your child?

I have an irrational fear of spiders. I have no idea what started my fear, I never remember it not being there.

I can still remember an occasion when I would have been about eight years old or so and my mother was very sick in bed so I was watching TV in the lounge room by myself, when a hand sized huntsman crawled out from behind the TV. My poor mother must have been so frustrated to have to pull herself out of bed to not only dispose of the spider but also to comfort me.

As I have gotten older my fear of spiders is improving somewhat. I no longer scream, cry and sweat at the mere sight of one. I can now tolerate spiders in their natural domain – and occasionally even turn a blind eye to the ones that live in our house. To be perfectly honest I thought I had nearly gotten over the fear, and turned it into a simple dislike of the 8 legged creatures.

Does the Fear ever leave?

Until last week, when I had flashbacks to that 8 year old girl crawling backward across the room too afraid to take her eyes off the massive spider crawling over the roof towards her.

This time it was a redback that sparked my fears. I had seen the spiders webs growing in our garage, and I had even had a little look to discover that it was a redback spiders web, but I was simply being an emu with my head in the sand ignoring the situation. I thought it wasn’t hurting me, so I could turn a blind eye to this web. Until I saw a rather unusual thing in this spiders web. The redback spider had caught & killed a huntsman. I wanted to get a photo of the redback actually on top of the huntsman but I couldn’t do it…. it took all my willpower to snap this photo with my iPhone without sweating, swearing or screaming. Hideous  (even looking at the photo there now is freaking me)

But there is one thing more than spiders that I am afraid of – I am afraid of passing this irrational fear onto my little girl. I had my first baby in July this year, as a first time mum I am allowed to be a little overwhelmed by parts of this motherhood caper – however this fear of passing on a fear had me thinking of all the little mannerisms that our children pick up from their parents.

For example – my mother is a nail biter, I am a nail biter & I was told the other day that I should bite Emily’s nails to keep them short. So is this going to engrain in her mind very early on that biting your nails is an appropriate behaviour.

Me screaming and carrying on like a pork chop about spiders may teach Emily that this is normal and that spiders are something to be scared of.

What Fear are you afraid of unconsciously teaching your children?

Sara is a first time mum, trying to muddle her way through raising a child, balancing career ambitions, fitness goals & a successful marriage without losing my mind. Before the baby,  Sara was s a successful banker, helping farmers achieve their goals & manage their finances. Sara blogs  over at Tis the Life with her updates on Facebook too.

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Nathalie Brown

Child Behaviour Consultant at Easy Peasy Kids
Child Behaviourist and researcher. Creator of "Less tantrums. More smiles". I look at the bigger picture and think outside the box when working with children and their behaviour. Their world is different. As adults we sometimes forget this. Happiness Creator in my spare time. Eater of chocolate and cake.

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Comments

  1. I had two irrational fears/phobias, my first one was heights and as a child would avoid climbing anything to high, hated fun fair rides and tall buildings. Then as a Venture scout to complete my Duke of Edinburgh’s Award we had to raise money for charity by participating in a parachute jump. The day arrived and even whilst on the plane I offered the trainer the money I had raised out of my own funds so that I wouldn’t have to jump, he didn’t listen and literally pushed me out the plane. I went up five times after to parachute again -so lost the fear.
    My second fear is having my face under water and diving, this has been a slow but steady improvement in my own time with hubby and my kids teaching me. :)

    • Wow what a way to cure your fear of heights! Parachuting!
      It has been suggested that I should have a pet spider to cure my fear, but it’s not going to happen!

      Thanks for letting me play at your place today Nathalie
      Xx
      Sara

  2. spiders it is, just looking at that picture makes my tummy turn.
    I’ve learn’t not to be bothered by daddy long legs and other tiny spiders, but those big ones, I don’t know what I think they can do to me, but anyway.

    • Mandy,
      I understand completely what you mean! I have no idea what I think they can do to me but as soon as I see those 8 legs I freeze.
      I need to be brave though :)

      Thank for reading
      Sara

  3. Snakes. I can stand them, even fake ones, I’m shivering now just writing about them. And even though I tried my hardest (LOL), I have not passed my fear on to my kids. Then all know to change the channel for me if one appears on TV ( cos I’m hiding in the corner like a sooky LaLa).
    If I know it is harmless like a python, it is ok, but we live in tiger snake/ brown snake country and I really hate the unknown. So relieved my kids are all old enough to know not to go over and try to pick one up. UUGHHHH

    • Eep! Lisa, I hate snakes too, but for some reason they don’t get me shaking & sweating like spiders do.

      Thanks for visiting & saying hello!

    • Oh Lisa I hate snakes too! They don’t make me tremble in fear but I am very weary of them. My hubby was bitten by a brown snake a few years ago & was very lucky not to be seriously hurt.
      Well done on teaching your kids to avoid them.

      Thanks so much for saying hello!

  4. The wife has an irrational fear of spiders that is creeping into my brain as well. Probably got me worst when i sprayed a huntsman up close against a wall and it leapt off the wall and landed on my arm..

    Erk!!

    Studpid hunsmans. But, i dont think it passes onto kids. Im not really that bad. My mum hates spiders and we used to play with them to scare her. I still pick up the odd daddy long legs and chase the wife around the house :-)

  5. Spiders for me too! I grew up in NZ, we have one spider that is deemed harmful, but really only to small children. I never saw one – ever. When we moved to Australia I was FREAKING OUT! I cannot stand spiders, especially huntsman. The CrashKids are really curious, so this is one fear I don’t mind if they pick up from me. Even thought I now have to ‘get’ a million daddy long legs every day, I’d rather they ran to me than try and poke a white tail or red back.

    • Laney,
      Only 1 spider in NZ? WOW – and I think you don’t have snakes either do you?
      I think maybe the Farmer & I need to live there, nothing in the wild would be out to hurt us!

      I agree, I would much rather Worm tell me about spiders (despite my fear) than have her poking at them.
      Thanks for visiting!

  6. I have an irrational fear of loud noises – it seems to have got worse as I have got louder. Weird thing is I love parties but somehow that noise does not bother me.

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