Blogging & Twitter Behaviour 101
I work with child behaviour but I am a big observer of adult behaviour too and see similarities in both. When I am working with children the first point I get across to parents is that I am on the child’s side as I endeavour to unravel why the child is behaving a certain way. I believe that children do not do anything with deep malice or intent but are behaving a certain way as a form of expression that they cannot yet verbalise in another way.
I believe as aduts we all to an extent have the tools to verbalise how we feel. We are also fully aware or should be fully aware of how our actions, words and how we behave can effect those around us. We are after all human and should treat others how we would like to be treated.
Behaviour IRL – In Real Life
This is a hard post to write but my heart keeps telling me to do it, so here goes. The last few weeks I have been very fortunate in attending a number of blogging events and there is always such a good buzz and feeling at these events because everyone there has the same passion about blogging. A passion that some of our closest friends and even family members just don’t get.
We form great relationships on Twitter, share a laugh, support each other and even have a cry. The support I have received when my Miss 15 was ill and the ongoing kindness I have regarding my mother is just better than awesome. It’s a giant virtual hug that I really need at times and there is nearly always someone there to give one.
Maybe I’m too soft, maybe I need to toughen up, maybe a misread situations, or maybe I read too much into them, but I’m not alone.
Every couple of hours I have to call home and speak to mum, it is a loud Spanish conversation, where people walking pass look at me strangely, so I always find somewhere I can talk without too many looks.
Making my way out of the venue I saw someone crying, so I went over to ask if they were OK and if I could help. This made them cry even more. So I took them outside for a walk and chat. This person was a blogger and this was one of the first events they had attended and they had arrived full of excitement in finally meeting bloggers that they had formed relationships with on line Tweeting.
They had gone over to say Hi and have a Squeee, they were rejected on the spot with a curt “oh” and with the person then turning their back to them.
Now I tried to say maybe they were busy, maybe they didn’t realise who you were, maybe they are having a bad day, there were lots of maybes. Yet they said No, they knew who I was, they chose to ignore me as they are now quite a popular blogger. Now I know this blogger and have met them before and therefore stood up for them and reassured the upset person that these events can be overwhelming with so many people to meet and say hello too and that this blogger was indeed a lovely person.
I convinced this person, to try again, perhaps I could come with them as I really do not think it matters how pouplar a blogger is, our passion is all the same and we are all human from different backgrounds, yet blogging brings us together.
Behaviour – Too Big For Your Boots
We returned back together just before a talk was about to begin, I noticed lots of empty seats in a row so went over with this person to sit down, only to be told “You can’t sit here, or here or here or here or here” Not a “Hello sorry these are taken” These seats stayed empty throughout the talk.
I was really stuck as to what to say to this newer blogger about the behaviour she was experiencing as now I had come across it too. I thought I’d cheer them up by easing the introduction for them with the original blogger they had try to say hello too. But I was very wrong I too went over and was spoken to like a was a little speck that they really didn’t want to deal with.
Working with behaviour I do understand that pretty much any factor can affect it, yet when you see someone being very nice to another and not having the time of day for you, you start to wonder if the online relationship is truly a friendship.
Now as I try to not over think this, it still confuses me. I had such a wonderful time talking to new friends and old friends and missed talking to many but managed a hi, a quick touch on their shoulder with a smile and a nod.
So what I think I’m trying to say that as bloggers we have to remember and be thankful of the great blogging community, we need to remember that although these events are intense, loud and can feel overpowering we are all there for the same reason. To learn, to meet and acknowledge all bloggers. It’s normally the blogging community that made you popular so don’t forget your roots and who put you there.
I have met so many wonderful bloggers and I explained this to my new friend who felt rejected and I still stand with the thought that they were just having a bad day, as they have been lovely in the past and that makes me feel a little better as it did my new friend.
I know we cannot possibly get on with everyone we meet but a polite hello is not too much to ask or is it?
So am I misreading or reading too much into things or have you experienced something similar ?
Nathalie Brown
Hi Nathalie, I think I actually saw this happen 🙁 I was sitting a few rows behind & thought something was amiss. How awful. Hopefully there’s another explanation.
I always try and think with the positive angle and the benefit of the doubt and don’t judge as we never know the full story, yet it really bugged me so I had to vent it xx
I hope that person reads this and feels shame.
As I say to anyone we are BLOGGERS, we write personal stuff on the INTERNET. People think we are weirdos… don’t be thinking you are any better than anyone else. Cause you are not.
Except for you. Of course.
x
You know Kelley as a newbie I loved your tweets and your blogs and I was soooooooooo nervous about my first tweet to you and appraoching you in real life but I felt I knew you from your raw honesty in your posts and you will now always be my queen biatch xx
Wonderful post Nathalie. What a sad experience for that blogger – but so wonderful that you were there to encourage her and support her. I recently wrote a post with some similar ideas about the blogging community (not related to a blogging event, but a few snide remarks I’d seen). The bottom line is, we are all doing it because we enjoy it. Unfortunately, there are going to be a few who spoil it for everyone else (online & in real life). It’s easy for people to hide behind their blog, but if they’re not that way in real life, then their true colours will eventually show. You’ve made a valid point in reminding people to remember where they’ve come from.
I felt horrible writing this and wasn’t going to but seeing someone crying really got to me. I know how different we all are but manners are intrinsic to life situations even if you don’t paticularly like someone that much. xx
It was a great post too Deb!
Thank you didn’t expect such a reaction but also didn’t realise others were experiencing this too x
No misreading or reading too much, I think. Just plain rude. I don’t care if she may have been the hundredth person to approach this well known blogger, it is still plain rude. Especially to have upset someone to the point there are tears shed. Thank goodness this lady got to meet and spend time with you. One of the loveliest bloggers around!
It was just so cold and not nice, yet I still hope it was just an off day for them xx
It seems sadly that the blogging world is not immune to this type of ego driven behavior. The industry I work in involves so many ego’s and I see this type of stuff all the tine. People who thing they are at a level above everyone else. It is vile and everyone beefs to remember where they came from and that somewhere along the line they were given a helping hand and some guiding words along the way. I’m just so glad she had someone as lovely as you take her aside and look after her. It shows your true spirit as a person wether it’s online or irl! I hope this other blogger reads this and recognizes their behaviour and thinks twice about acting that way again. I’m not a blogger but enjoy reading them. Thankfully I have so far only had lovely interactions from bloggers on twitter being so warm and welcoming to a twitter newbie and non blogger xx
The blogging community is an awesome place, just hoping it was an off day for them.x
Sorry about spelling errors! Writing from iPhone! But u get the idea
It amazes me that someone would go to a learning and networking event and not take every chance to network with other bloggers. You being there, asking to help and supporting her is what I think the blogging should be about – a community that respects and cares for each other. It would be a real shame if the blogger who made her feel this way has forgotten what it’s like to not be a big blogger, so I hope it was just an off day. Common courtesy and kindness is for everyone, not optional depending on popularity.
I too hope it was an off day. The day was awesome I just felt sad for this perosn experiencing this at their first event xx
When I went to the blogging conference earlier this year, I went alone and felt very out of place. I’m a bit introverted and that is something I have to deal with myself, but regardless of how nice people seem online, there was a feeling of clickiness. People have their friends and they naturally break off into their own groups. But for someone that is perhaps alone, or keen to say hello and introduce themselves to some of these bloggers they admire it’s pretty bloody intimidating and hard.
Clearly I am no super popular blogger, but regardless I’d always say hello, pass a smile, because if someone wants to say hello to you, it’s probably because they actually read your blog and like what you have to say, and I’d be very grateful for that gesture.
I think blogging as it’s getting bigger and bigger is resembling that of a school yard or life in general, you have your different groups, regulars who get invited to events, others wondering why it’s not them. It’s unfortunate. But life nonetheless.
I’m glad you wrote this post. It’s a reminder that (yourself) nice bloggers are out there and majority will fit that description. Good on you for being so kind with your time. Not that we’d expect anything less Nathalie, you’re a lovely person.
You are spot on it is like going to high school on your first day and just trying to connect with someone. It’s hard to say hi to everyone but even a smile will suffice.
I love the blogging events and although I am aware of the groups which will happen, just like your group of friends and that’s all fine,but it is also good to say hi to others. I sort of float around trying to have a brief chat with everyone and just really felt for this person as they had been so looking forward to a fun day.xx
I also find this sad and it addresses one of my biggest fears with showing up to an event. It definitely feels very high school like “to me” since I started this recent journey with blogging. Not “bad”, just an observation that I suddenly (at 39) feel insecure again and worry about what people think of me and how to talk to more popular people etc (like back in HS).
I love knowing that there might be / are more bloggers like you who would step in if it were me in that situation and turn a day around.
The events are awesome so don’t be afraid, life lessons are everywhere and this was just hopefully one of those days. xx
deb, you nailed it for me too. i’ve been blogging on various blogs for a few years now but am yet to go to any type of blogging get together for a variety of reasons but mainly because i suffer from anxiety and it’s hard to put yourself “out there” in social situations with people you’ve never met [in real life] before.
now imagine overcoming that, to only be rejected or ignored at the actual blogging event = nightmare.
so thank you on behalf of the lady that you did go over to comfort and also on behalf of all of us bloggers who fear being in a similar situation one day – it just takes one smile and friendly hello to wipe away any bad experience 🙂
In general the experience is very positive, I think it was just made worse because they had been really looking forward to it and were exepecting a welcome and not a rebuff. They had a fab time by the end of it x
Great post!
This – what you talk about – is one of the main reasons why I’ve never attended a blogger event (the others being that a) none seem to take place anywhere near where I am (France) and b) as a result I can’t possibly afford the expense of flying to San Diego or whatever). I’m a pretty shy person and socially quite inept, so I’d need superhuman courage to actually approach someone “famous”. If they then rejected me like this, I’d be devastated and would most likely retire to my room in tears with a bottle of dessert wine and drown my sorrows, never to set foot at an event ever again…
I’d love to attend BlogHer or something, but just can’t pluck up the courage (or raise the funds, of course).
I hope the blogger you met managed to enjoy herself a little at least!
They had a ball in the end which was great to see. I think we both learnt many lessons and they will continue to blog and be who they are – totally awesome.
Please don’t let this put you off going to events they are wonderful, just another part of life situations we learn to deal with. xx
Nathalie you are the best with a heart of gold. That’s just rubbish behaviour. I mean really, what purpose does it serve?
I hope this blogger doesn’t lose heart with blogging or attending blogging conferences. I hope she realises she’s better than that.
And as for the snobby blogger? Well, the blogosphere and twitter can make you or break your reputation.
Besides, it’s so much easier to give a smile and say a quick hello.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
I’m hoping it made them stronger and we have been intouch today and they are ready to continue the blogging journey x
I am so glad you have published this.
I wasn’t at the conference, but it doesn’t matter who it was. I wrote a post three times this week about what I have considered pretty poor performance in blogland lately, but I didn’t have the courage to post it, from fear of blogger backlash.
The blogging community can be amazing, but it is also a cut throat world for many. While we mainly try and highlight all the positive things (for their are many) it is also a double edged sword that can cut you down just as fast.
I hope your new friend was able to meet some other people and enjoy their day.
The day was fantastic and although I have noticed this happen at other events, I have just let it be. But when someone is that upset, then I just vented.
My new friend had a fab day once we decided to let it just wash over us as a little blip in our day x
You should have introduced your new friend to me Nathalie, I would have taken her under my wing 🙂
Kim you are so lovely that I’m writing a post about you x
Hi Nathalie- sadly you’ve hit the nail on the head….I was there on Friday too- and as mush as I looooved the conference, and got so much out of it, it is very intimidating when youre not the most confident person in the world… Im glad to hear that you were able to help the blogger concerned. There was unfortunately a bit of loud chatter with a particular group during one of the talks…to the point that it became difficult to concentrate on the speaker- they were quite a highly identifiable group, and I just think that unfortunately in their state of excitement at hanging out together, they forgot about other people around them- that happens….I have to admit that I decided not to hang around for the networking afterwards after seeing a couple of things….ps- I did smile at you- and you have the loveliest, welcoming smile!!
Yes I do smile a lot that comes from working with children -makes me happy. A smile is free and readily available on any face and can just make someone feel so much better.
I really enjoyed all the talks and would pick the event with most seats available and it worked because my favourite was Blogging for Good Causes. Make sure you do come over and say hi at any other event. xx
Jane, I’ll happily introduce you!
Cath are oozing confidence – love it x
hehe- thanks Cath- I did lean on you a little bit on Friday- thanks for that!
I’m glad you had the courage to write and publish this post Nathalie because it’s such an honest example of how bad human behaviour can be. Sometimes adults act very similarly to children in the school yard, there’s cliques, the ‘in crowd’, fear of not being liked or fears of being bullied. It can be a really tough world and people need to realise that there’s other’s feelings at stake here.
Personally I don’t care how popular and successful a blogger (or anyone else for that matter) is, if someone takes the time to say ‘hello’ it’s really not much effort to say ‘hi’ back and be nice. Like you and many of your readers have intimated – perhaps this person was having a bad day and potentially overwhelmed by the attention – that being the case sometimes people aren’t that ‘self-aware’ and don’t realise how they’re being perceived by others. I truly hope that was actually the case.
One positive that came out of it is that you and the other blogger connected and at the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about. Jac x
Yes I made a great new friend 🙂 and the benefit of the doubt reigns in my head. xx
Nope no misreading or reading to much into it people can really be like that I’ve found that with a number of people on twitter once they get famous (or think they are) they ignore you.
There are a few who will still be humble to all their followers once they have made it (as they like to call it) but a vast majority of them ignore you.
It’s happened to me not in real life blogging events but at other social internet events.
(((( Hugs )))) XXXX Kisses XXXX
Oh that’s not good to hear 🙁 still hoping it was an off day. I pretty sure we didn’t get a chance to say hi, so I’ll look out for you at the next one x
I haven’t been to any blogging events yet sweetie but have been to other internet social events that are more group focus type groups from the internet.
Am now following you on twitter loving your blog 🙂
(((( Hugs )))) XXXX Kisses XXXX
Following you back too, look forward to your tweets x
I must admit this is one of the things that scares me (good lord I’m 38 I can’t believe I feel like that) about going to these events, not that I’ve had the finances to get to one yet. I’m not great at the meet and greet, and although I interact with other bloggers via twitter and the like I often feel like I am constantly circling in the periphery, and that’s just the online world. In real life I’m wallflower central. I know it shouldn’t matter, I know it’s mostly my own issues talking, but really you do want to meet your blogging heroes, and hope they like you too. And whilst you might not end up best buddies, you hope that they will at least be friendly in the 5mins you chat. Rude is rude, whether it’s online or in the real world. I’d probably be a sobbing mess too if that happened. I’m glad she had you to help her out. If I ever get to one of these, do you hire yourself out for hand holding? 🙂
Let me know if you ever attend and I’ll for sure hold your hand. The event are brilliant 🙂 xx
WOW – good on YOU!!! Nathalie- I have experienced this but not IRL – it was on twitter and fb actually – I would “talk” to them and they would COMPLETLY and BLANTENLY ignore me. So So RUDE! – I actually emailed one of my blogging friends to ask if this was normal behavior… It reminded me of “the cool group” at school. I was quite shocked and mortified to find a bunch of women that were too “cool” to bother with me… How sad for them that still at this stage in life they are still to cool for another human being… I am so proud of you for having the balls to write this so so PROUD!!!
Funnily enough not even part of a big group, but still it wasn’t nice and I obviously needed to vent my emotions. It is very hard to speak to everyone at events and even on Twitter, I know I struggle responding to tweets but I do try even just to send a smiley face as acknowledgement. I understand people are busy but sometimes they ask a question I take the time to answer and nothing. I think possibly it was just a bad day or just a life lesson I have learnt.
That’s very sad, the IRL situation. Nasty nasty. People really need to grow up, and have some manners! I think this is a great post, and good on you for writing it!
Thank you Zoe had to have a vent 😉
Nat I am so happy you wrote this post … I can imagine you thinking twice about publishing but it is so important that you did!
I am uber-shy in the real world (when it comes to people I don’t know) and was hugely anxious about this conference. With a pep talk from my mum still sounding in my head, I took a deep breath and approached a blogger who actually said to me on twitter to ‘come and say hi’ if I saw them, only to be brushed off after a quick glance at my name tag identified me as ‘no one of importance’.
I am giving this person the benefit of the doubt as they *seemed* to be rushing off to do something more *important* … but it pretty much meant that was it for me as far as approaching anyone else for the day.
I am so glad you found this other blogger outside Nat – hopefully you have restored her faith in the wider blogging community!
The online world, especially twitter, is a bit like high school sometimes and can be quite a cruel place. But then I remember, I have personally made SO many amazing friends and connections there. It’s a bit sad that sometimes the bad experiences can wipe out most of the good stuff in one hit.
Kelly its so hard to sometimes even focus at these events with so may faces there, so like you I like to keep the benefit of the doubt too;) It is such an awesome community and like you I have made some amazing friends and I’m sorry it stopped you from approaching other bloggers. I spoke to many bloggers who said they were normally very shy and they get through this and express themselves via their blogs and they so look forward to these events. It is a shame some felt let down but there are good experiences and lesson learnt all the way. xx
There were a group of women in a circle, my daughter was one of the women. I joined the group by standing next to a high profile blogger who then looked at me standing next to her and deliberately walked away to another spot in the circle, giving me a very frosty look as she moved away from me.
I was gobsmacked at her rudeness.
I am not shy, I do not suffer overly from social anxiety and I was still quite shocked by this bloggers attitude.
Beautiful Kim, thankyou again for my ceramics, I decided not to hide them in my office but they have pride of place in my family room. I’m really shocked at the responses on this post and didn’t realise so many were actually feeling left out. I dont quite get it as we have the same passion of blogging. xx
I am pleased you liked my work Nathalie, I would not have been able to attend the event if you hadn’t bought my ticket for me. The ceramics were made especially for you and I am seriously pleased that you liked them *phew* xx
Wiil take a photo and email to you. They evoke a lot of good emotions for me x
Nathalie, good on you for writing this post. I’ve seen and heard of this happening time and time again. Sometimes, people are having an “off” day. Sometimes, people are just opportunistic and have no time or desire to talk to people they don’t know.
I was in the front row in the last session, pretty sure I annoyed some people around me which I’m really sorry about. I thought the Ferris guy was from Crowded House, it was silly.
I spoke to everybody who spoke to me, but I just couldn’t get out of my comfort zone and talk to anybody first. So the people that actually took a deep breath and walked up to people and did that? Bloody bravo and well done.
Thanks Eden, I was just annoyed that this person had to have this experience at an event. Giggling is cool that doesn’t bother me at all. I just thought Ferris was hot. It’s not about who you approach or what you do, its just knowing that if you are in a room full of bloggers, you can go up and say hi, without being made to feel like a nobody, especially after a connection on Twitter,xx
Hi Nathalie, great post.
I went to a conference earlier this year and witnessed some pretty arrogant and unthoughtful actions while I was there.
It really put me off these particular bloggers, though I’ve since considered that perhaps it was the group mentality of confident friends.
I really really hope that those bloggers I encountered are good people, though the cynical side of me thinks they’re too big for their britches.
I think everyone has good and I love blogging events, I just think we need to be aware of what a simple smile or a nice acknowlgement means to another person.x
It was lovely seeing you and I am glad we got to chat for more than two seconds this time.
I have a post coming up about how bloggers reacted to me as someone with a disability.
Yeah we did get to chat but not long enough though, and not with a drink either 🙂 send me the link when your post is up xx
I’m really saddened to hear about this incident, Nathalie. For me, it was a crazy day. Manic, even. So many people in quite a confined space with little time (apart from at the end) to actually have more than a quick smile and hello with bloggers. During sessions, I was furiously taking notes and then we had to find our next room.
It was at the end of the networking drinks as the crowd started to thin out a bit that I could actually hear myself – and the other bloggers – think. That’s when I caught up with and met in IRL some of the people I’d been hoping to. I still didn’t get to meet everyone I wanted to – and only got to flash you a smile.
I’m glad you wrote this piece. I think there is a challenge with organisers of these kind of events to get the balance between creating back-to-back content with the audience’s desire to network. And that networking can only happen if there is “breathing” space in the program. It’s why a two-day event often works best.
I still remember our smile 🙂 and yes it is overwhelming and hard to talk to everyone. But this was quite early on and I think the sadness came from them realising that their Twitter friendship really meant nothing. Though thinking positive they had a fab time in the end xx
oh no! this makes me so sad. Would you believe it took till me 3rd blog conference to really get the confidence to say hi to anyone and everyone and have a chat. The first 2 conferences I went to I was so nervous and felt like everyone else must have known everyone else. I only chatted to the people I knew or was introduced to.
I actually take a buddy with me to every conference and don’t go without her because it means I always have someone to meet up at breaks and lunch with. Sounds silly but beats the nerves!
big hugs to this lovely blogger and good on you for being there, I know all about the nerves and hopefully this doesn’t put her off future events!
corriexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Great post. Doesn’t surprise me though. I’m nothing in the blog world BUT as a working journalist making connections & making people feel like their contribution is valued is so important. I could NEVER survive in community journalism by being off with people. The blogosphere seems like a “big fish, small pond” scenario. Popularity in blog word would be very heady & big stats mean a lot but doesn’t translate to IRL where it really matters.
Thanks Emily so true big stats or no stats we are all the same and manners, smiling and acknowledging is free xx
Nath, am sorry to hear that happen. Am glad I’m not like that -well, I’d like to think I’m not! 😉 Anyway I have come across bloggers who are painfully shy in person and when approached just looked at me as if I’m some nutter who have said hi to them. But from their reaction, I can tell it’s not me, it’s them – their anxiety at meeting other people. But there are also others who are a bit up themselves. Thank goodness I haven’t yet experienced that. I have had other annoying experiences, but will keep that to myself or just rant to my hubby.
You are too lovely for words 🙂 Go rant to hubby.
Yes some are very anxious and it must be great that you go up to them because you are divine x
I bet you made a difference to her experience and she will take that away with her. There is no excuse ever to be rude , though popular or not all bloggers can sometimes be overwhelmed by meeting casual URL friends , when all they want to do is catch up with their real buddies.
Thanks for sharing this, I know I ‘ve been reluctant to search people out because of the fear of rejection.
I just reassured that it wasn’t them and we managed to have a good giggle and formed a friendship x
You know me Nat, always one to stir the pot.
Firstly, I love that you posted this, and you are still giving the blogger the benefit of the doubt.
Secondly, wrote a short post about something similar a few weeks ago, and I may just have to post it. The people who get angry at me for it, will be the one’s guilty of what I wrote and probably aren’t worth my time then anyway. Right?
Thirdly, I know that I could have easily seemed to be this person. My anxiety means that I don’t convey myself properly. I am so excited to see and meet new people but it boarderlines with a panic attack and sometimes I recoil, and slink off to “bigger” personalities so that I can be drowned out for a bit. Unnoticed. I can calm down.
I’ve only been to two small events, and both times I didn’t get to speak with everyone I wanted to, fear of appraoching, and sometimes I did approach but may have been overlooked because I didn’t speak up and demand my presence be noticed. I can outright name bloggers I wish I would have spoken up to; Nikki from Styling You, Veggie Mama, Denise, Zoey, and many many more. All of those people who have been wonderful “online friends” and they are just busy with so many other people to talk to, that I can’t help but say to myself “This isn’t personal, they are happy to catch up with people they’ve already met, and they want to meet new people but it’s tiring and confusing too.”
I urge the upset person to email the blogger who upset them and let them know how they felt! I know if it were me I would want the chance to explain and I may not have realised that I came off a certain way. It is possible!
I am honestly PETRIFIED of the DPCon in March. It is WAY to big for me, but I will be recruiting a bunch of people to hold my hand, and help me out. I know just having ONE person I’ve already met at my side will help me. I still don’t know how to “greet” people and I am hopeless at small talk (really good at inappropriate talk though). I am the terrified school girl that clings to her mother and hides behind her legs. I am giddy with excitement to meet people but my eyes dart around the room and my ears are working overtime trying to pick everything up that I seem disconnected. And I am. Not because I want to be, I want to be in that moment, but it’s a massive overload for me. A room of 50 people is HUGE to me let alone hundreds!
I am glad you saw this woman and talked to her, and held her hand. I don’t think you realise the power of your actions to that person.
Miss Pink, we’d so get in a corner and natter away now! At the karaoke event it was the most squished room and really difficult to move once you got a seat!
Yes Karaoke it was squishy! But it was fun, and I wasn’t made to feel snobbed by ANYONE there.
Squushy is good 😉
DP Con you make sure you come and Hi and watch out for the big squeee. I don;t think they want to email the person but they are in a happy place again.
They are shocked I blogged about it (i did check with them first) but appreciate and understand now that there were others that had a similar experience, something that I wasn’t aware of. xx Send me link to your post xx
I think, especially in those situations, it is easy to misread someone. I am a chronic “reader between the lines” and over analyse all the time. So it’s easy for me to go off on a huge tangent and be all “OMG they HATE me”
Hopefully the blogger who was rude will read this post and email the person to get in contact and sort things out.
I will totally TRY to come up to you. Come looking for me, I am easy to miss, but if you come up to me I will definitely want to chat.
I will hunt you down and squuee you xxx
You’re gonna be fine. Promise.=)
Thanks! Hopefully.
Such an important post every blogger needs to read!!! Thanks Nathalie x
Just felt I needed to vent and didn’t realise it was such an issue x
I’m glad you wrote this post too. It was a busy day but manners are so important. Like you, I’ll give that blogger the benefit of the doubt, but well done you for noticing and sticking up for the new blogger.
Hello Christina, I remembe your smile, I remember I said I’d buy your ebook, I remember your pink peep toe heels but what I remember most is that you told me I had lovely hiar. xx
Thanks for posting – always great to hear everyones experiences of an event you organize – even when those experiences are not 100% positive.
While I’m not aware of the exact circumstances or people involved I am sorry that your friend had this experience at our event.
From an organizational perspective it is always hard to know how to facilitate everyone’s expectations and goals on an event like this – we were aware that we packed the day full of teaching and had less networking early in the day. If that played a part in it – apologies.
From an attendee of quite a few blogging conferences perspective – I can relate… probably on a couple of levels.
Firstly I can relate to feeling excited to meet people only to have the expectations in my mind fall way short when the meeting happens. It’s a terrible feeling and as a relatively shy person I know it takes big effort to step out of ones comfort zone to make those meetings happen.
Secondly, on the flip side of things as someone that people at times like to meet at these conferences I sometimes feel I fail myself on this. I certainly try to meet everyone who comes up and give them personal attention but there are times when I’m sure my own nervousness plays a part. On other occassions I sometimes feel so overwhelmed by it all that its hard to take everything in.
At other times I guess its more about catching up with friends I only see on rare occasions that ‘distracts’ me from giving the attention others deserve. Its so easy at these events to get caught in the moment of being with friends and get a little silly/excited and forget the needs of others.
Not wanting to make excuses for anyone – I do wish that this hadn’t happened – just reflecting back the mixture of feelings your post made me feel 🙂
So thanks for posting. Sorry to the person but we’ll try to learn from it as we look at future events!
Hi Darren I thougt the event was great as did this person. I completely understand the overwhelmingness (is that word?) of trying to talk to everyone, it is impossible. I was happy when I got a smile, a wink, a nod or a mini passing hug. So I think its just down to being acknowledged in a nice way. I know we didn’t talk but had eye contact and a smile and that’s all it takes at times.
Online friendships have always been a funny thing. I’ve always been perplexed when I get Facebook friend requests from people who wodnt say hello to me if I passed them in the street. But they keep coming. People have different expectations of what a friendship or connection entails. Some people are just in it as collectors. Wanting to grow their profile, their readership. Others invest in building a relationship with their community. If the blogger was that rude in real life to both you & your new friend I would find it hard to believe they invest I’m anything beyond a superficial business focused relationship with their audience online. But I guess it’s much easier to fake it online. And I guess we all have our own ways for coping with anxiety and adrenaline overload as is common at large gatherings. If I ever find myself in a semi-celebrity popularity situation I hoped coping mechanism permits me good manners & graciousness.
Great post. I hope to meet you at a future blogging event.
Jacki yes I too struggle with friendship requests on FB. To me an online friend who I feel I have a connection is a friend no matter what. I have shared something with them and expect it to carry over IRL. Manners and a smile or a brief acknowldegment cost nothing but make a big and postive difference. I hope to meet with you too at an event xx
I think the above comment from Darren is really insightful and positive… I had had some of these thoughts myself about whether the whole “overwhelmingness” of the situation might be the true devil at play here. I truly hope that this covers the actual situation.
If not, this quote from Madeleine Albright probably does, “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
Keep in your happy place hun (and let’s do that coffee soon!)
Darren is a wise man 🙂 You are a wise lady and coffee and cake don’t forget the cake sounds fab x
Love the Madeleine Albright quote!
Brilliant quote x
As a newbie blogger I was interested to read this post and the comments. I too have come across particularly on twitter some “too cool for school” people, but have chosen not to take it personally, as our confidence can be dented in many ways, so recognise the ego’s and concentrate on the lovelies like yourself Nathalie. I recently did a post about exactly this, going to a huge event alone (not a blogging event) and thankfully made a connection with some great people, making it all so much less daunting. And the likes of people who take the time to do this, speaks volumes as to their caring nature. I was very grateful 🙂
Hey Sharon, on Twitter like you if I don’t get a response I shrug it off – no biggy, especially if you have a huge number of followers. Just using manners is all that’s required and a litle acknowledgement makes the world of difference x
This whole thing is just so bizarre… So many people all so scared to meet each other. We should all just get over it and chat. But then again an experience like this really ruins it for everyone and it’s precisely why all of us, even some of my blog-idols, have self-doubt.
I am still so baffled as to why bloggers are not nice to everyone who reads their blogs. We write about our life on.the.internet and make the choice for it to be public. I don’t understand why they don’t just write a diary if they’re not interested in speaking with their readers!
Knowing what you’re like I have no doubt your new friend has the most wonderful memories of the day and will continue to go to events.
It was so lovely to speak with you. Hope to see you again soon.
It is a bit weird, but I did feel I had to vent it. I still give them the benefit of the doubt because there is so much going on at these events, yet my niggling thought says a smile and an acknowledgement is worth a lot more than a blank.xx I’m sure we’ll sse ecahother very soon x
Thank you for publishing this, Nathalie.
I experienced similar situations at the March conference and then again at Blogopolis.
To be honest, when I first read your post, my immediate thought was, “Hope that wasn’t me!”, because I get so overwhelmed at these things at times, that I just need to run and hide for a while, rather than talk to people.
I’m happy to say, that it gets better. The people that would barely look at me at the first conference, now do. It is partly to do with the desire to catch up with friends and find those that WE want to meet. I have to say, that it would never occur to me, that someone would want to meet ME.
Online relationships are odd, you think you know someone well and that you have a good relationship, but when you meet IRL, it can be a completely different story.
I’m sorry, that this person was brought to tears by some insensitive behaviour. You writing about it has made me aware to be more open to others, rather than just look out for familiar faces.
Dorothy I saw you talking to I think everyone including me 😉 I’m sorry that you experienced something similar before and yes there are amny factors to consider at large blog gatherings. Now everyone will be more aware which is a good thing x
It’s the ultimate test – meeting in person. You might think you have a connection with someone online but you never really know until you meet them in person. I had a similar experience of the day – with some people making it clear that they didn’t really want to talk to me and another person moving away from me mid-sentence. Actually, now that I think about it, that happened a couple of times.
Zoey that’s not nice, I hope I didn’t walk away. I do remember chatting briefly and me wanting to cuddle gorgeous googs. I found it hard to speak to everyone and kept promisng peolpe I’d be back for a chat, then would get caught up in another conversation. I still really enjoyed the day and now that the post is up, hopefully everyone will be more aware of people’s feelings and be a little more welcoming. xx
Nathalie, I think you are right when you say that a smile costs nothing 🙂
I do however think that some of this sort of interaction comes down to most of these conferences proving a busy day with little time for networking, so in the time that is available many bloggers (whether big or small) often want to most reconnect with those they know well either in real life or online which might appear standoffish or rude to others. Being spread across this big old country of ours makes these moments few and far between for many of us. I also think that even though many of us are open about our lives on our blogs, it doesn’t necessarily translate into being socially confident in real life. For example, I often worry that I will offend someone by not recognising them (some avatars make this hard) or their blog.
And I have also found the noise and particulars of selected venues of many conference related networking events not conducive to being able to hear to chat and I know this sometimes makes me look vague or disinterested when in reality I just can’t hear to understand what the person is saying!
Hope you are feeling better 🙂 I agree with all you say especially the part about recognising people, But I think in this instance it was more the let down after a rapport on line. Yes the noise is loud but I still give the benefit of the doubt and a smile is just simply that. You are always smiling at conferences and you are one busy lady xx
Hi Nat, I’m glad you wrote this post. Must have been so hard to hit publish. I’m really sorry to hear that the blogger had that awful experience. Hopefully the other blogger has had a chance to read your post and perhaps reflected on his/her behaviour.
Now from a a blogging conference organiser’s point of view. These posts serve as key learnings. Hopefully DPCON12 will prove to be an awesome experience for all. Hopefully.x
Was very hard to hit publish, but every now and then you know me I need to have a vent, especially when emotions and feeling are imvolved,. DPCON12 will rock, you and your smile is all that’s needed xx
All these comments make me so sad. Perhaps we can work out a support or buddy system for the Digital Parents conference.
I’m 200% sure that it will be an awesome day 🙂
And I was so lucky that the very first face I saw on entering the building was your gorgeous smiling face! 🙂
You are just delighful as is your gorgeous hubby xx
Oh no 🙁
Of course my first thought was “I hope it wasn’t me” as I found the networking parts a bit overwhelming in the short amount of time that we had.
A group of bloggers en masse is a strange beast. So many different people with all kinds of social comfort zones trying to catch up with friends from afar, meet new online friends & take it all in all at once.
That said there is no excuse for being an insufferable snob.
Hope the blogger also made some great connections & is not put off conferences.
You have one of the biggest smiles ever 🙂 Yes it is a strange beast, but like beauty and the beast a smile is all that is needed. We actually managed to turn it all round and have a good giggle about it 🙂
The networking part is my favourite part. I was as pissed as a fart and hugging everyone, including the photographer. And to meet you was a bonus.
Some folk are fuckwits. But 99% of the room were legends
xx
As always spot on, hope you didn’t sustain any damage from the wedgie 😉
Nathalie,
You are just SO lovely!
I didn’t get to speak to you, or let you know I read (and love) your blog, but you flashed me the biggest, most warmest smile, & you seem so sincere.
How very sweet of you to help someone when their confidence had taken a battering like that.
I wrote a very similar post to this (not articulated as well as you however).
I did enjoy the day, I was disheartened by how arrogant a lot of some of my favourite bloggers came across. Maybe there were other factors? Off days, etc. whatever … but overall, it was a slap face reality check day for me 🙂
I did meet wonderful bloggers.
Zoey from @goodgoogs was really the only person who gave me the time of day, had something interesting to say, & was friendly!
I did want to say hello to you, however, I was the one who ran out mid session (twice) thanks to a pretty bad day with first trimester morning sickness 🙂
So this is my URL hello instead 🙂 hello, love your blog, love (what I saw of you) on the day, & loved what you had to say during the ‘blogging for social good’ seminar.
Cherie from http://ababycalledmax.blogspot.com
Hi Cherie, I read your post today and commented, I was very unaware that there were others like you feeling so let down. Its not meant to be like that at all. Zoey is delightful,and she too had a few not so nice encounters.
I’m at a bit of a loss at to why it was like this, maybe more than I thought were having an off day – who knows but is still not nice.
I hope your morning sickness doesn’t last too long, love your blog, the photos are incredible.
I’m sure when and if we next have a meet up, you won’t be having lunch alone. xxx
It’s funny, I feel like a relatively established blogger and yet, it felt like this happened to me at the March conference and I was one of the bloody organisers!
I am so sorry that the other blogger was snubbed like that and treated so badly and thankful that you were the one who found her crying because you ARE so lovely!
Let her know if you can that there are hundreds of other bloggers out there who aren’t going to be awful if approached. I might be shy and socially awkward, but I’m always happy to meet new people.
Veronica the blogger is actually very happy now, after seeing that it was not just them. Still not acceptable to have someone make you feel so bad. I’m sure we will all be much more aware at any other conference xx
So glad you wrote about this….
I am always amazed when people are blatantly rude. I try to ‘assign positive intent’ like I would for kids, but sometimes it’s hard to find that compassion and understanding, especially when we are feeling hurt, or frustrated.
It really doesn’t take much to smile at someone… or say a kind word, even if you are dealing with other stuff. Being kind is easy as you showed by stepping up and offering support to someone in need. At events like this it is so often easy to miss people who are looking a little shaky, but I bet this blogger will remember your kindness for a long long time.
We all I think to some degree have some social anxiety, I have it too but alawys smile probably a bit too much but it keeps me grounded, relaxed and I hope more approachable. I fully understand the overwhelmness of it all for many but a kind look is simple xx
Thanks for sharing this. It confirms a lot of what I already know to be true. It’s a sad world out there. People are mean and like you say too big for their boots. Good on you for speaking out.
Overall there are more nice people it is just sad that one can give a bad experience. xx
That’s heartbreaking. Truly heartbreaking.
I think it takes all kinds to make the world go round, and unfortunately in every community we’re going to find people like this.
I haven’t been to any conferences in Australia, only smaller events and even then it’s quite overwhelming. I find it hard to figure out who is who, and process the whole situation.
I’ve also come across the opposite – people being as nice as pie in real life, and then giving the cold shoulder online.
I hope your friend still has faith, and doesn’t let one moment with one person ruin the whole experience for her. x
They are really well and we can now laugh at the situation 😉 The day did turn around for them. The event was fantastic, this wasjust a snapshot of a not so great moment x
Firstly, I would like to say that my finger is sore from having to scroll all the way to the end of 112 comments to write a reply!
Secondly, I would like to say that if you introduce yourself to someone/go up to say hi and they brush you off there is no need for tears – just have a good chuckle – because you know that while your world is getting bigger because you’re happy to go up to people and introduce yourself – their world is just stagnating as they’re no longer opening themselves up to the fabulousness of meeting new folk.
Then move on to the many other lovely peeps that are overjoyed to meet someone like you x
Alli that is very true and very well said, moving on is what we did and thoroughly enjoyed the event and meeting and making new friendsxx
As one of the organisers of the event I’m sad to hear that somebody was upset and we didn’t notice.
Thank you for noticing, thank you for caring. I’m glad to hear the rest of your day went well, but hope that our next conference will be put together in a way that can make everyone feel included and connected.
xx
Jasmin, we had a really great time and after reassurance that it wasn’t just them, we moved on. xx
Popularity isn’t a permanent thing. If you treat people badly you’ll find that it slips by quickly. I’d like to think that the blogger was having a bad day and that this isn’t her usual behaviour.
I too like to think they were having a bad day, yet they seemed happy when talking to others and a smile or a nod of the head is simply manners.
Yeah, seriously it doesn’t take much to say “oh hi!” especially not when you’ve “known” someone for a while.
That’s the crux of it x
Hi Nathalie, I’ve been looking for bloggers that attended Problogger to hopefully compare notes with. I’m fairly new at this and I must admit to feeling quite out of my depth! There was one particular blogger who didn’t want to talk to me because she didn’t like my genre! This was a bit confronting, but I told her straight out that I liked the fact everyone was so different.
I wish I had the chance to met you – you sound like a great chick!
Liz N
Hi Liz, it’s ok to feel out of your depth I do to, so much information to take in but I assure you the important parts you need do register.
I want to say I cannot believe someone didn’t want to talk to you because of your genre but unfortunately after seeing other comments I do.
I’m a bit at a loss at what slse to say because these events are to meet other bloggers, I don’t just talk to parenting or child behaviour bloggers, the array of business cards I have and new friends made is amazing.
I hope if you attend another event we get to chat, smile or acknowledge eachother in a friendly manner Nx
Hi Liz, just wanted to let you know that if you wanted to connect with others who went to #pbevent, there is a link up on blog for all the post even posts. Just click on my name and it should take you to my blog. Also, Nobashake, has one.
I think that no matter what our genre, we all have blogging in common, so that’s not really a nice excuse.
Thanks Dorothy xx
You’re gorgeous Nat. Thank you for living kindness like you do. If I was that crying blogger, I would never forget that moment of kindness from you.
Although I’m an introvert, I’m not a shy person and am happy to introduce myself to people. That said, I too have experienced snobbing at some blogger events. One particular meeting especially sticks in my mind because I wasn’t expecting it. It can be especially hurtful when you have had a relationship with the person online…But then, I personally can be quite sensitive so I have to choose not to read too much into things — you know?
However, in this case, I just can’t believe someone would be so terribly rude and unkind. It’s one thing to be a vauge (and I totally get that — like Pro Blogger and some of the others have mentioned above — it can be totally crazy on the day) but another to be twice rude. I just don’t get that.
It’s sad. But there so much bloggy goodness out there too. Like you! x
It is sad , especially now i’ve read al the comments and seen others have experienced it before, but like you say there is a lot of wonderful polite bloggers too Nx
One thing I would say — and this is unrelated to the meeting in the comment above — but at the AMB conference early this year, on the way home there was a small group of us at the airport. I was so exhausted, and later when I got home, I realised I don’t think I said hello to her. So I emailed her and said that I was so sorry if I was vauge at the airport but was sorry not to have met properly. Her email was gorgeous (just like her) …she said EXACTLY the same thing: that she was so spaced out from it all etc. So sometimes a little follow up email can go a long way in making sure things are right…
Kelly that is so lovely of you. The thing is I don’t think this person even realised what they did. I have received lovely emails from bloggers I didn’t get a chance to have a chat with and they have made my day. xx
Fancy that! I am soooo busy I haven’t seen this post till almost 3 days later.
Nat, lovely, I swear you are the kindest & most thoughtful person on earth. Xx
About the vibe from this topic… Everyone “gets it” and seems like most have experienced it. I sure did. At March ABC when I “felt” left out & then “felt” disappointed by my encounters with bloggy idols.
My reaction was two-fold – tweet about it… & kind tweeps encouraged me to stick with it & not go home … & the other was to blog about it.
Mmmmm. That post raised hackles from other attendees.
What I know now is that each person arrives at a big & unknown function like a conference with heightened sense of “self-consciousness” good or bad & a list of expectations on how the day will pan out. This often doesn’t go accordingly & we react sadly to our let downs. Seems like this happened like that.
I loved Vanessa’s comment further up. A buddy-up system for the DPCon – like when new Kinder kids start school ( newbie bloggers and those feeling less confident) have a Year 5 Buddy ( the more outgoing & confident to socialist bloggers)
I am going to propose this as an idea to DigParentsCon Organisors & Brenda. It could be a great way to reduce this kind of experience.
Love you . And I forgot to say how sensational you looked on Friday. D
I’ll have to go read your post. Yes its a big day with high expectations for everyone. Yet it was still a fab event which overall still stands. Thanks for your lovely compliments x
The world is a brighter place with people like you in it and this just reaffirms that.
I can suck at social situations, I don’t know what to say, don’t approach people especially if I’m in awe of them. Some can interpret this as bitchy, cold, shy – whatever when in reality I constantly feel out of my depth with fellow bloggers even new ones.
I’m so glad you were there for that blogger and I hope the rude blogger has read this and the comments. It’s not right.
Thank you, it was hard to press publish but it got to me and obviously others. I’m not that paticularly great in socail situations I’m just myself and smile alot xx
Now I am REALLY worried about DPCON12. I am not shy nor retiring but have huge issues with being diplomatic when I see someone being rude. And I do think it is becoming a big fish/small fish scenario in the blogosphere.
Funnily, you don’t know a lot of the time who the people you may be snubbing are. I often wonder when I hear of these sort of things, what would be the response if you knew the blogger had published books, or was related to The Packers, or was famous in some way totally unrelated to blogging? Would these so-called big-wig bloggers then talk to them? Sadly, I think the answer would be yes. But then it has always been so in the world. The people who judge you on status not on you.
I talk to EVERYONE, I love meeting new people and am amazed at how many things I can have in common with random strangers who then evolve into good mates. A smile costs nothing, and may end up rewarding you handsomely.
I too had heard similar stories emerging from this years conference. I do hope it will not be so next year…
Well done on writing this – you are very wonderful and compassionate to do what you did.
I’m like you I do talk to everyone 🙂 Couldn’t give a monkeys how “popular” they are and like you say a smile makes a big difference.
I think the DP CON12 is looking at a buddy system 🙂 Now that everyone is more aware that this does go on. xx