Apologising is the next step
After an extremely hectic and stressful at week (nothing new there), with deep issues to deal with at work ,that by the end of Friday , I wasn’t sure how I was going to cope with the amount of work piling into the office and the neglect of my household chores. I was obviously tired as my tact and thinking brain left me late on Friday and I manage to inadvertently to upset some one by a rushed of comment I thought was helpful.
Well I can tell you it wasn’t helpful as I found out on Saturday morning and God did it make me feel awful. I felt like quitting what I do on the spot. What was I thinking, when I wrote it ? I do remember sending the comment in good faith. I work and study child behaviour with a fervent enthusiasm, I relate well to mothers, or so I thought , until I upset this mother. I re-read my comment and I saw I had broken the biggest rule in advice and support, I recommended a couple of books and like this mother responded, she didn’t need books she needed a hand.
Apologising don’t feel bad
So what did I do ? Well, bar from feeling absolutely ugh with myself, I wanted to connect with this mother and say “I’m not like this, I do understand that it’s tough”. I actually wanted to go round to her house with flowers, a sorry card and say “OK, I apologise for what I said, it was insensitive and I should know I work and assist mothers like you daily so here I am to give you a hand all day” , then I realised where she was based and that a 24 hour flight to go and do this – may be a little too crazy.
So I read her blog from every part of it, so I could get a feel for this lovely lady, then I went shopping, to buy a few little things for her and her wonderful children to say sorry.
We reconnected on Twitter, she accepted my apology and also said that she had been having a bad day, hence her response to my comment (but it was and still is a bad comment). I told her I had some little gifts and would do anything to make amends, she asked for some Cherry ripes, which will be on their way to her shortly.
Apologising makes things better
Moral Of The Story
Think before you speak
Don’t offer advice, unless you know the whole situation
Saying Sorry is not hard
Accepting that you have made a mistakes(that being me)
Taking actual action to rectify your wrongness
Making amends makes you feel a little better,
Take my foot out of my mouth before speaking
You can never take back what you have said to someone, but you can certainly take the steps to apologise and move on.
Teaching our children to say sorry is an important value , acknowledging that your actions or words have caused hurt and upset to someone else, means it’s time to say “I’m Sorry”, so take the step and start apologising.
Nathalie Brown
Awww i understand how this happened i get like that some days and you do feel very bad later 🙁
good on you for admitting what you did wasnt quite right and then trying to fix it many people wouldnt have given it a second thought
xxx
This has really jumped out and grabbed me today. I need to apologise to my kids, especially my daughter. I have been a a cranky mood all day, due to other things going on and I have really taken it out on her. I can’t apologise with chocolates (even though she would like me to) but I am off to give her a big hug right now. Thanks for you story.
I’m so glad I didn’t have internet access for a while that day as it took me a while to cool down too. I get so frustrated when my daughter is like that, it is not her fault so I can’t get mad at her – and I tend to explode at the wrong people.
I was venting on Twitter because I know there are other mums out there doing exactly the same thing at the same time in the middle of any long holiday and I want them to feel less alone. Hearing back from them makes me feel less weird and stressed.
Your mistake was perfectly innocent, a lot of people recommend books, diets, dogs, dolphins and plinky plonk therapies when the answer is really a state that cares enough to create competent domicilary respite services suited to the person, rather than expecting the person to fit in and adapt to their residential system. And all my sisters are a 24 hour plane ride away – so they can’t help me either.
But apologising meant a lot. Eating Cherry Ripes which I love and can’t get in Ireland will mean even more.
Well done for sharing. In my experience as a sales rep I found that when I had a customer who had been messed up, and I made ammends – I had a customer for life.
I hope you feel a lot better now, you should xx
They are on their way to you 🙂 Enjoy
I’ve recently started a blog, the information you provide on this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time and work.
It’s an easy thing to do – saying not quite the right thing sometimes. When people comment on my son’s autism I know that for the most part they are coming either from a place of ignorance or well-meaning. Now and again they might get me at a bad time and I might be a bit snippy but usually I let it ride. It’s great that you apologised and that Lisa knows where you were coming from.